Lame and Xenu

Sorry I haven't been posting. I'm studying up on Scientology and trying to raise my OT level.

Didn't you know? I converted.

a big SHOUT OUT to Xenu and alien souls.

holla'

Love,
Lauren

Cookbook and AFD

Stop the yelling---I already know. I didn't post yesterday.

I need a good practical joke for April Fools day---a good one.

I have some ideas. I'm a big prankster at heart. Seeing people get startled, freakout, or sick is great. I've decided to come up with this big April Fools Day prank-a-thon. I know, you are already rolling your eyes. What you need to know is that all of this is going to be based around culinary delights. I want to trick people into thinking that they are eating something delicious, when in reality it is something nasty.

My prime example is as follows:

Everyone knows that I make the best funfetti cupcakes. How about doing a little twist on the cupcakes? Instead of the jimmies that are normally baked into them---why not instead trade in a more disgusting option, like say----capers? So---when the person bited into the cupcake---instead of a funfetti surprise they get a mouth full of sweet cake and capers. For the frosting, use regular vanilla or chocolate but for the sprinkles, shake on some garlic powder. That ought to do it. Disguise the smell with a dash of vanilla extract.

Voila! The most unexpected dessert ever!

I'm still in the process of thinking up more "delectable" dishes. Please feel free to submit your ideas! I'd love to incorporate them into my April Fools cookbook.

Happy Tuesday!

Love,
Lauren

P.S I think the mice moved out. None have been caught.

Basically only Shout Outs

I finished my taxes last night. All by myself. I'm very proud of the fact that I'm done and I don't have to worry about it anymore. I even get a refund! Yay for taxes and Yay for Lauren.

Did tons of trading today. I like trading, it's my favorite part of the job.

I'm too tired to write anything funny and I'm also mad at myself for setting the precedent of writing an entry every day. I shouldn't have done that.

No one is at work today. Everyone is out, including my crush---*sigh*

Go BC! Go UConn!

Shout-Outs:
Jaxx: For the past few days of mulling things over with me about what the heck I'm going to do this summer.
Dash: Thanks for the great conversation last night, you helped me put things into perspective. :)
LB & Beth: For being understanding.
My Sister: For her unwaning excellent advice and support about everything.
Turbo Tax: For helping me do my taxes all by myself. :)
Darren: For being a faithful reader and a good comment-leaver
Annabelle: Because Charlie was being me to you yesterday, so here is a support shout-out.
Lindsey: You are hilarious and I wish we could hang out more. We would tear the place up. (or our ocelots would at least)

Love,
Lauren

Ben Stein and South Park

Before you all read my post. I wanted to share something with you that Lindsey just emailed me. It's really touching and sort of gives you something to think about. I actually agree with him in this case, despite his regular Republican thoughts and teachings. Plus, he went to Blair so I have to show him some love. It's his last column that he just wrote. Read on, it's really nice.

Ben Stein's Last Column...
============================================
How Can Someone Who Lives in Insane Luxury Be a Star in Today's World?

As I begin to write this, I "slug" it, as we writers say, which means I put a heading on top of the document to identify it. This heading is "eonlineFINAL," and it gives me a shiver to write it. I have been doing this column for so long that I cannot even recall when I started. I loved writing this column so much for so long I came to believe it would never end.

It worked well for a long time, but gradually, my changing as a person and the world's change have overtaken it. On a small scale, Morton's, while better than ever, no longer attracts as many stars as it used to. It still brings in the rich people in droves and definitely some stars. I saw Samuel L. Jackson there a few days ago, and we had a nice visit, and right before that, I saw and had a splendid talk with Warren Beatty in an elevator, in which we agreed that Splendor in the Grass was a super movie. But Morton's is not the star galaxy it once was, though it probably will be again.

Beyond that, a bigger change has happened I no longer think Hollywood stars are terribly important. They are uniformly pleasant, friendly people, and they treat me better than I deserve to be treated. But a man or woman who makes a huge wage for memorizing lines and reciting them in front of a camera is no longer my idea of a shining star we should all look up to.How can a man or woman who makes an eight-figure wage and lives in insane luxury really be a star in today's world, if by a "star" we mean someone bright and powerful and attractive as a role model? Real stars are not riding around in the backs of limousines or in Porsches or getting trained in yoga or Pilates and eating only raw fruit while they have Vietnamese girls do their nails.They can be interesting, nice people, but they are not heroes to me any longer. A real star is the soldier of the 4th Infantry Division who poked his head into a hole on a farm near Tikrit, Iraq. He could have been met by a bomb or a hail of AK-47 bullets. Instead, he faced an abject Saddam Hussein and the gratitude of all of the decent people of the world.

A real star is the U.S. soldier who was sent to disarm a bomb next to a road north of Baghdad. He approached it, and the bomb went off and killed him.

A real star, the kind who haunts my memory night and day, is the U.S. soldier in Baghdad who saw a little girl playing with a piece of unexploded ordnance on a street near where he was guarding a station. He pushed her aside and threw himself on it just as it exploded. He left a family desolate in California and a little girl alive in Baghdad.

The stars who deserve media attention are not the ones who have lavish weddings on TV but the ones who patrol the streets of Mosul even after two of their buddies were murdered and their bodies battered and stripped for the sin of trying to protect Iraqis from terrorists.

We put couples with incomes of $100 million a year on the covers of our magazines. The noncoms and officers who barely scrape by on military pay but stand on guard in Afghanistan and Iraq and on ships and in submarines and near the Arctic Circle are anonymous as they live and die.I am no longer comfortable being a part of the system that has such poor values, and I do not want to perpetuate those values by pretending that who is eating at Morton's is a big subject.

There are plenty of other stars in the American firmament...the policemen and women who go off on patrol in South Central and have no idea if they will return alive; the orderlies and paramedics who bring in people who have been in terrible accidents and prepare them for surgery; the teachers and nurses who throw their whole spirits into caring for autistic children; the kind men and women who work in hospices and in cancer wards.

Think of each and every fireman who was running up the stairs at the World Trade Center as the towers began to collapse. Now you have my idea of a real hero.

I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters. This is my highest and best use as a human. I can put it another way. Years ago, I realized I could never be as great an actor as Olivier or as good a comic as Steve Martin...or Martin Mull or Fred Willard--or as good an economist as Samuelson or Friedman or as good a writer as Fitzgerald. Or even remotely close to any of them.

But I could be a devoted father to my son, husband to my wife and, above all, a good son to the parents who had done so much for me. This came to be my main task in life. I did it moderately well with my son, pretty well with my wife and well indeed with my parents (with my sister's help). I cared for and paid attention to them in their declining years. I stayed with my father as he got sick, went into extremis and then into a coma and then entered immortality with my sister and me reading him the Psalms.

This was the only point at which my life touched the lives of the soldiers in Iraq or the firefighters in New York. I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my duty, in return for the lavish life God has devolved upon me, to help others He has placed in my path. This is my highest and best use as a human.

________________________________________________

So, there you have it. A little piece of seriousness on my blog. Again, screw you all for not answering my poll question from yesterday. How do you expect me to gain knowledge on anything without your help?! Man o' man.

For all you New Yorkers...have you ever noticed that the subway train stops on the west side are usually flooded in water on the tracks but those on the east side remain dry? Why is that? I think I thought of an idea for that show Dirty Jobs: cleaning out the subway tracks. It would be so nasty. Not only would you be playing urban solitaire but you would be like IN the game playing with the very pawns in which you were searching for to begin with.

I love my mom. She sent me the article about the coyote that they found in Central Park. This is what she wrote:

"I think this is cool, but I would have been scared if we had seen him during our walk!
Love, MOM"

She is so cute. I would have shat my pants if I saw a coyote during a walk through CP. Though, to be honest, I probably would have thought it was a dog. How can you really tell what a coyote looks like unless they start to howl or something? I bet that even if it howled, I'd still think it was a dog.

Did anyone watch South Park last night? It was great! They took a stab back at all the crazy scientologists like Tom Cruise for not letting them air the episode where they made fun of scientology. Anyway, everyone knows that South Park is an equal opportunity offender. They make fun of everything and everyone, they don't just target one group. So---I don't know why the scientologists had to get their panties all in a twist. Oh right---b/c they are psychotic. Anyway, since Chef left cause he was mad, cause he was a scientologist----they kept him on the show---saying that he "came back" from his club called "Super Adventure Club". So the kids are so excited. Except that Chef is acting weird and saying weird things. You might be wondering how they got Chef back on the show since he isn't doing the voice anymore. What they did was like patch in clips from previous shows to make sentences, it sounded hilarious. Ok---the plot was funny and everything but the best part was def. the clip editing for Chef's lines.

I hate Tom Cruise and Scientology :)

I need to go----work is calling.

Love,
Lauren

Traps and Poll

So I'm trying to save money. I'm going on a budget, no, an ACTUAL budget. Not the usual, fly by the seat of my pants, budget. Part of this budget is me not wasting money and buying unnecessary things. Anyway, the point of me telling you this story was to tell you that I actually brought my lunch today. And if by "bringing my lunch" I mean bringing in a soup can and then also eating the free bagel that Jim gets me every morning. My new phrase is, "If it's free, it's for me."

I was just telling Alexi that I really don't know what to write today. I guess I'll write a brief anecdote about some occurances last night and then be on with it. I'm tired, also b/c I'm trying not to buy coffee everyday and instead drink the free coffee they give you at work, but the problem is that I forgot to get the free coffee and now I'm tired and I don't have any energy to write funny things.

Last night I went out and bought the traditional wooden mousetraps. I bought 10 of them. I was "excited" to get back home and set them up to catch the mice. I read the directions and then followed them to a "T" but then really nothing would work. The mouse-trap wouldn't set. I called my sister and I even emailed her pictures of the trap so that she could help me figure out where to put the pole/snapping thing, etc. Look, maybe I'm dumb, but the picture quality on the instructions is bad and the pictures in step. 2 are misleading.

Finally I emailed the same pictures to my dad. He took one look and figured it out. Shocking. Then, the test was to get it to stay and not snap on my fingers. For the next 30 minutes, I slowly and carefully set up all the traps, often it would snap and then peanut butter would get all over the place. Such a mess. But finally I got them all set up and positioned throughout my apartment.

I woke up this morning----no dead mice. It's ok. I have faith in my trap set-up.

Poll Question of the Day:
Fellas, is it an added bonus for a girl to like/understand sports if you are interested in dating her?

*Please respond via comments. And ACTUALLY respond this time. Thanks!

Happy Hump Day!
Love,
Lauren

A Mouse and Ten Things

So I promised Mike that today's entry would be interesting and worth reading. So here we go...
First I wanted to give you a run down on somethings that happened to me yesterday that I deem worth mentioning.

1. I saw a rat in the subway. I know, I know, most of you that live in NYC are like---sheesh! I see rats all the time in the subway. Ok, fine. I do too, but it is my secret fun game to stand on the platform and play "find a rat." There actually have been several days where I've seen TWO rats. When I see two rats, I automatically win the game, even if I'm playing alone. I rarely ever play the game with other people. I prefer to think of it as a game of "urban solitaire."

2. When I was walking down the stairs to the express train, there was a sandstorm and a a lot of dust got in my eyes. The wind was so strong coming up from the platform. Yes, this was extremely disturbing. Imagine walking down stairs, inside the already dank and somewhat gross subway. A wind is blowing nasty subway, rat-infested (see #1) dirt all in your face. I was unhappy at this event.

3. I had a 30 minute conversation about midgets. We were talking about midgets yesterday at tutoring. I think if I was a midget, I'd totally sign up for any gigs that involved midgets. I'd get famous quick.
-------------------------------

So, last night I was on my computer fooling around---and I didn't have my glasses on. I saw something weird on my bedroom floor and I couldn't make out what it was. I walked closer since I couldn't see that well and I saw that it was a little cute mouse. A little cute mouse in my FRIGGIN' BEDROOM! It was just COLD chillin' on my rug, not moving, not doing anything. I was like literally, what do I do?! I don't like killing cute things, even disease-ridden things. I mean, it was a mouse not a rat for heaven's sake. So, I called my sister and this is what she told me to do:

"Get a shoebox and put some cheese in it and then wait for the mouse to get in the box and start eating the cheese and then run and close the box and then let it loose outside. "

Ok, there are a few flaws in this plan:
1. I didn't have any cheese
2. I would have to sit and wait for the mouse to "come out" and get into the box
3. I would then have to "catch" the mouse in the box by approaching it and NOT scaring it
4. I would then have to carry a mouse in a box outside and let it loose on the street---yeah, that's not going to look horrible.
5. the plan inherently is the worst idea ever.

So--instead I suggested a mouse trap. I know I just said I don't like to kill things, but I didn't see another feasible choice. I walked over to Duane Reade and got some traps. I was insecure about the wooden one, positive that I would snap myself in one, you know like in The Goonies? Well, anyway, I bought these like "house traps" where they go in and then it snaps shut. I checked them all this morning but there was no mouse.

I don't really care about the mouse REALLY. I just got a little freaked out about having one in my room. Whatever, I eventually I get so tired that I fall asleep. I wake up at about 1:30am from a nightmare. I had a dream that the mouse was like in my hand in the bed caressing my fingers. I literally JUMPED out of bed still asleep practically. I went over to the computer and read up on mouse behavior. "Could this really have happened?" I thought. I then went on to read where they like to "nest" and "eat. " I was looking for clues to see if they could get into my bed. It said that mice can jump up to 12 inches and can climb up practically anything. Great, it COULD be in my bed. I had to keep repeating to myself, "Mice are scared of people. They don't want to snuggle with me." Over and over again. I was so tired from the nightmare and the internet surfing that I went to bed right away, sure that I'd have another nightmare. I didn't. I woke up tired this morning and with no dead mice to show. I did try to find something positive out of the situation though...

Ten Things to find on your bedroom floor that are WORSE than a mouse:
1. a pidgeon (dead or alive)
2. a scorpion
3. a dead clown
4. two month old lasagna (or baked ziti right Kimmy?)
5. a pile of lougies
6. vomit
7. a love note from Jesse Kovach
8. a recently fired gun with blood all over it
9. a dead ocelot
10. a tapeworm

I came into work and of course told the story to my co-workers. Mike told me a sure-fire way to catch the mouse. He said to get the normal wooden mouse traps and then smear peanut butter on part where it snaps and then "brush" vanilla extract all over the rest of the trap to mask the smell of human touch. He said he killed a bunch of mice that way in college. I'm going to try that tonight. I'm secretly excited to do an experiment like this. It's going to be on my list of, "Things that Everyone Should have to do in their Life." My life seems to always be an adventure.

***For a second hand account on my first experience in killing a small nasty creature, you may ask Alexi or Steph.***

Enjoy your days everyone!

Love,
Lauren

Weekend and Whitlows

So I had a great weekend. I drove down to DC with Lago and Natalie on Friday after work. It was smooth, full of stories and pet peeves along with a delicious buritto from Chipotle. Anyway, I get home and my parents are excited to see me, as usual. I had promised Katie that I'd go see her mom at her St. Patty's day party that night. I was pretty sure it was going to be over by the time I arrived at like 10:30pm, but I still didn't want to break my promise. Also, I did in actuality want to see Kelly. I went over and indeed, the party was over. I still hung out for a bit and it was great to catch up.

I awoke on Saturday morning to the sound of hammering and sanders, sounds of my childhood and my dad's construction. It was the Koreans that came over to refinish our floors in the old part of our house. I was warned about them arriving, so I couldn't really complain. I had to shower and get all my stuff downstairs. All the bathrooms were going to be blocked for the entire Saturday. So, I hung out downstairs with my mom and dad. Then, of course I was starving. My mom and I walked down to Santucci's to get some lunch and then came back and pigged out. There were also some girl scouts down there and we meligned them for some cookies. Delicious. Then I tried to take a "nap" in the living room but the loud sanders and vacuuming sounds were somewhat of a hindrance. Annabelle and I were planning on doing down to Whitlow's that afternoon/evening. I had to wait for her call. Finally we leave---I already know I'm sleeping out b/c once they put the polyeruthene on the floors, the smell will be intoxicating and unbearable. My parents were even staying in a hotel. It ended up not being a problem.

Whitlow's was a blast. More of a blast then last year. Seeing that I left out the front door this year and there was not throwing up. Riight. Saw some heads---it was a fab time--
Darren: your girl is cool. I dig her. Tell me how to spell her name and I'll give her a shout out proper.
Smith: as always, a pleasure.
Mary Alex: thanks for everything, on so many levels. :) I owe you money. I bet your tab was OOC (out of control).
Alex: we should hang out more in NYC, I want to meet this guy.
Jaxx: hope Jarvy's bday was fun, missed you the rest of the night.
Dustin: you are my man. :)
AB: thanks for the ride, and the good times. You are my girl.
Jose: glad you made it out. Sorry about you know…what we were talking about. Sorry I didn't warn you.
Charlie: sorry about the straight up bounce out. You had that "glazed eye" thing going on. It was great seeing you. FIFA 2006
Noelle: I have pictures of your friends on my camera, I'll email them to you.
JB: I love you. Thanks again for another great year. See you soon!
Ron: FIFA 2006. :) Thanks for the ride to the airport.

There is something I'm not mentioning about that night. People who know, know. People who don't know I'm not going to tell you if you ask. Those that need to know, already do. With the exception of a few people that I have not yet talked to and are in no way associated with Whitlows. :)

Sunday morning came and went. My mom made me breakfast. I wasn't nearly as hungover as last year but….I took a nap after my killer breakfast. It was glorious. Then I met with Ron to plan our class. We went to Silver Diner and chatted it up about our conference class among other things. Great things are going to be expected out of me this summer. If all goes according to plan.
Oh, as a side note the floors look great! They are all shiny and nice. My parents house is FINALLY shaping up. Any of you who know my family and my house over the past 10 years (yes this means you Jeff) know that the construction never ends. It's on it's last legs. We are going to have a huge blow-out party when it's completed. Who's ready? Maybe we'll even have a pinata again!

Sorry for the delay in the posting, there were technical problems early when I was trying to post. So, keep your pants up.

Love,
Lauren

Shout Outs and Frazzled

So there are several things I want to address that I've been thinking about. First of all, screw all you bastards. When I actually ask for your input on something, only like two people respond but then when I don't ask for your comments you just leave them anyway. Thanks Derryck and thanks Matt. Anyway, I think that I'm going to go with Matt's idea. I shouldn't be a slave to the shout-outs section right? I should just do a shout out whenever I want. Oh, and Matt, I've been thinking about what Susannah said. I never thought about it that way. I kind of think she's right. Like, the thing is if you had left a comment, I probably would have ultimately given you a shout out anyway. So I gave you one, but if you ask for one again, I'm not going to. I'll take it as a reason to NOT give you a shout out. Smooches!

And Derryck, what's up with calling me and leaving me a message and then IM-ing me and giving me a hard time about not updating my blog. For your information, I HAD updated my blog and it was just your stupid computer that was all messed up. So---I know it's the most exciting part of your day, reading it that is…but don't be so quick to jump down my throat. :) Derryck, I still think you're awesome even if you have a pole in your foot. Don't forget it.

Anyway, back to real life. So yesterday after work I was supremely frazzled. Imagine that, me, frazzled. In the morning Courtney asked me and Tommy G. to come out to happy hour with her, a client and Brette. I had mad stuff to do, including a call with Ron at 9:00 to plan out workshop. I also, most importantly, had to pack for DC this weekend. Anyone that knows me knows how much I loathe packing. Most days, I'd rather stay at work longer just to avoid packing. I hate thinking about what I'm going to be wearing and I also hate physically putting things into a suitcase. I hate packing. OK, so I had to get to it at some point that night though as I am leaving after work today. Another thing that was on my to-do list was to pick up my laundry. I actually dropped off a TON of laundry the other day with the intention of using the clean clothes to pack. Get it? Basically I had no clothes at all and it was integral to my clothes-wearing this weekend to pick up that laundry.

So the issue was the following:
I wanted to go to HH w/Court and crew---but I didn't know how long it was going to last. I didn't want to jet out early cause it would most definintely be a good time, but I didn't want to risk not getting my laundry beforehand---anticipating a late start (I mean, c'mon we're dealing with Court here…) and a late night. The laundry place closed at 8. Oh, did I mention I had to go see my hottie chiropractor too? So here's how it panned out---I'm sure you're waiting with baited breath about it.

I jet out of work right at 5, rush uptown to my casa where I pick up my laundry, grab my mail and pee. What I really wanted to do was change into jeans and sneakers, but Brette threatened my life if I did that. So I stayed in my heels and skirt. Curses….I'm like running back to the subway, my feet/calves have been hurting because of my excessive high-heel wearing all week to impress all the crushes I've been developing. Alas, I finally get to mid-town. It's like 5:43pm and I have to walk 5 blocks to get to the chiro by 5:45pm. I'm going as fast as I can. Imagine the way that Jeff used to imitate my walk in high school. I'm pretty sure I was walking like that. I get there and then have to wait---figures. We are supposed to start this HH shindig at 6pm. But I knew that was off by AT LEAST 30 minutes b/c again, we are dealing with Courtney. So, I wasn't too freaked out/spazzing. I finally finish my apt. Dr. Sullivan and then we flirt/chat a while afterward, I mean, our weekly ritual of flirting was not going to be cut short b/c of happy hour!

Walk quickly over to the happy hour place and call Brette to see if she's there. Then I walk in, blab on to the hostess for like 5 minutes about how I'm looking for people, but I don't KNOW if there is a reservation or anything. I finally walk around and look. I find Tommy G and Brette at the bar. Whew.

The night unfolded from there---full of tanqueray and tonics, delicious aps, and wonderful company. I probably drank too much, if my probably I mean most definitely. Phillip was great so was his hot partner Chris, though he was married. And as usual the combination of Court and Tommy G was classic. Shared a cab ride with Brette---she lectured me on how it would be a good idea to pack tonight instead of frantically tomorrow morning.

Of course I didn't take her advice. I had 4 messages from people, including Ron who called about our call that didn't happen obviously. I passed out. Woke up early. And if my "early" I mean, the same time I normally wake up to get ready. I threw some clothes with green on them into my bag and waltzed out the door. Yes, I waltzed people. Today is going great. I’m meeting Laura after work to drive to DC.

I'm so boosted about tomorrow.

Shout-outs:
Jose---you just called me twice about you were wasted. You called me wasted at 10:30am. You win the alkie award. :) I still love you. Come to Whitlows. :)
Darren: So excited to see you tomorrow---thanks for the comment. Sorry, no cookies to DC. I apologize. :(
Ron--I'm sorry I dissed you.
Lago---Road trip tonight! Can't wait!
Tommy G: You, my friend, are awesome. I had a great time seeing you last night.
Phillip S: You are too cool. Kickin' in the understatement of the century. You amaze me with your slang talents. You even rival Courtney.

Jet Lag and Veronica Mars

Good morning all you faithful blog readers. I'm hoping today's entry will prove more interesting than yesterday's. I have to let you know that because of my cookie ploy, all the boys in the hot pod said good morning to me. Yes!

Last night and the night before I got really bad Charlie Horses in my calf. It's horrible to wake up and get a painful cramp that is basically debilitating. Luckily, my dad taught me how to get rid of it fast. It still hurts like hell, but at least it goes away quickly. Who knows how to remove the incidence of me getting them?

So finally the jet lag is catching up to me. I mean i don't have it or anything, but when I came back from Germany I just went on with my life in the New York time zone as if I'd never been gone or was tired. I thought to be the best way to avoid jet lag proper and instead move along normally. This was ok and worked on Monday and Tuesday, but last night----this extra time I gained/lost whatever...caught up with me. I was so tired yesterday at around 3pm. This exhaustion lasted all night, it wasn't like a "lag" at the end of the day that eventually went away. I went home and I made cupcakes b/c I wanted to stay awake but also---I needed to make them before St. Patty's day or else the cupcake liners that I bought with little shamrocks on them would have gone to waste. You know? Anyway, so baking kept me awake. I packed up 1/2 of the cupcakes and then I frosted and decorated them and brought those and more cookies over to Beth's. They were a hit and they successfully kept me awake until I had to go over there to watch Veronica Mars*.

I am seeing my chiropractor today. It's been two weeks. I'm excited. Back-cracking withdrawl. I just changed my work NCAA pool. I wrote one yesterday and realized I didn't like it too much. So---I changed it. I'm excited. You could win 4K here. Cause so many people do it. I hope I win. Although my tactic to picking teams is---"hmmm...which ones do I like or are associated with in some way?" Who knows, maybe it'll work out for me!

*The show that anyone who is anybody is watching and loving.

SHOUT OUTS:
***this is a special section today---I'm polling the readers here: How often during the week do you think I should post a "shout out's" section?***

a. every posting
b. every other posting
c. once a week

Please respond via comments section with your answer to the poll. Thanks very much.

Happy Thursday!
Lauren

Metric System and Cookies

Today is the Ides of March. Hope nothing bad happens to you today. :)

So, I've discussed the following issue with a few of my friends/cohorts and I 've decided that the United States needs to convert to the Metric System. I think it would make everything easier. How come the rest of the world does it and we are stuck with a system divisible by 12? Ten makes much more sense. I know that it would cost a lot of money and everything, but ultimately things would be easier. Who wants to join me in my quest to make life easier?! I mean, 12 inches =a foot? What is that? Also, kids already learn about it in elementary school---why not stop confusing them!?

I made cookies last night with Jess, as I told all of you yesterday. It was very successful and worked perfectly as my plot to talk to my office crush. I'm well on my way to actually having a real conversation with him. Things are going along smoothly.

Shout outs:
Matt: You said it would be great if I gave you a shout out and I'm doing so. I miss Philly and hanging out with you all. Susannah was right to give you my wonderful blog url. Keep in real.
Marcy: Happy Birthday!
J.Pov: Again, thanks for your company last night, it was so fun, even though I pretty much did all the work and that your contribution "was meager". :)
Kate: Had a great time at HH w/you. Def have to do it more often.


For those of you that are concerned (read: Mike): there seems to be some confusion about how to pronounce "blogfamous" like is it like "infamous" or like a compound word like "blog-famous"? To be honest, it's not a real word and therefore I don't really know how to properly pronounce it. So, you can "have it your way."

Love,
Lauren

P.S I realize this entry is sub par.

Baking and Ten Things

Good morning everyone. Before I start my entry today I have to give a huge shout out to two people that are very special to me. Last night, I was on the phone with Susannah and she told me that she and her sister Isabel read my blog. This absolutely made my day and I just want to thank Susannah and Isabel for your support for my budding writing skills. Whoop! Isabel, I also hope you are holding it down in PA for me----'cause you know that's my state. :)

Anyway, tonight I'm going to happy hour with Kate. I'm really excited b/c I haven't seen in her a while and it seems like we always have tons of stuff to catch up about. I definintely have to tell her about my crush at work. After HH, Jessica Povtak is coming over to make St. Patty's day cookies. Don't worry---I'm making funfetti cupcakes too. I went to the grocery store last night looking for the mix but it was all gone. Do you know the Funfetti mix is always gone? Because it is the best food in the world. That's why. I hope they re-stocked today. Beth, I was going to bring baked goods (cupcakes and cookies) to our little Veronica Mars party tomorrow.

Here are ten things that are on my mind right now:
1. I love Dunkin' Donuts coffee. It tastes so delicious.
2. I'm wearking my new shoes that I bought in Germany. They are HOT, right Kimmy?
3. The kid I tutor on Monday had math homework last night and it made me really happy b/c he can barely read but he's good at math.
4. One thing that I sort of wish is that I could wear ties. I think ties are the coolest piece of menswear. If I was a man, I'd have the best ties.
5. It's supposed to get cold tonight and I'm annoyed b/c I wore a skirt. I've officially decided that whenever I wear a skirt, it is cold, snowing, or raining. It's like whatever I put on in the morning decides the weather for the day. Maybe one day I can trick it and put on a skirt and then all of a sudden change into pants and then it won't know what to do!?
6. I hate when people print something annoying and long in the printer and blocks everything up for the rest of the people that are trying to print things. Uh...
7. I need to invest in some more lipglosses. I keep losing them and/or Lindsay steals them.
8. I'm sort of obsessed with matching my hair-tie with my outfit. Like today: I'm wearing a purple sweater and I have a purple hair-tie.
9. I just recently found out that "racecar" was a palendrome. Once when I was about seven, I tried to make up my own palendrome. It was, "ottonoondadnoonotto". Unfortunately, I didn't realize that it had to be an actual WORD.
10. Does leather really get ruined when it's wet? Remember when Sean sat on Grethchen's sofa at ruined it cause he was in the hottub?

Anyway, work is going fine at the moment. Nothing too exciting happening, other than my cool shoes.

Oh, a few more shout outs:
1. Mike Connelly (AKA Dash) for your lovely comments about my blog over IM. It made my night when I came home.
2. Courtney: for your advice about my office crush
3. Jessica: who is forever going to be known as my baking buddy. What an honor.

Love,
Lauren

P.S John Chaney just retired. That's sad. I was glad I was in school during his reign. Good luck JC!! Keep the owl spirit alive!

Adventures in Germany

So--I know that the tears are streaming from those of you that relied on my blog for morning entertainment. But the good news is that I'm back in action. I returned from Germany last night and have stories to tell. I think I'm going to approach it like I did my LA trip or else I'm afraid you all might lose interest and then stop reading and then all my hopes and dreams about being blogfamous won't come true. So--let's start off:

Tuesday, March 7th: Departure

• Went to the airport after frantically trying to change dollars into euros after work. Broke into a sweat trying to do that. Went home, packed the rest of the stuff that I didn't pack from the night before (read: everything) and then was on my way to JFK.
• The trip to JFK was easy and uneventful. If any of you New Yorkers want to know the best way to do it for as little money as possible, just ask, I'll be happy to share my secrets.

Wednesday, March 8th: Arrival and Army

• So Kimmy's met me at the airport and we drove Jason's pimp BMW over to the post where he works. We got lunch, which was fantastic b/c I was famished after sleeping through "breakfast" on the plane.
• Then we went shopping for dinner at the PX: which is the commissary. I was tired, so I took a nap and then we hung out the rest of the night.
• Oh---Kimmy's (and Jason's dog) Lucy, is cute. It's funny b /c I actually am planning on naming my daughter Lucy. Ah well----I'm sure there are dog's named "Lauren" too.

Thursday, March 9th: Nuremburg

• Went to Nuremberg with Kim and her friend Jenn. Ate at a Gasthaus and had cabbage in a salad w/ chicken.* (see after daily entries)
• Went to the art museum there--lots of Durer, decent stuff. There was also this cool globe, that was the oldest globe found---but the cool thing is that North and South America aren't even on it. So clearly it was before 1492. Anyway, it was cool.
• Went up to the castle. It started to pour, and it was cold, then it was after 4 so we could only look at it from the outside cause it was closed. It was still neat.
• Saw another cool church, St. Lawrence. It was all bombed up in WW2, but it still was neat to see the inside.
• Ate dinner---chicken and rice
• Watched American Idol**

**One thing you should know about German TV---well Army TV--- is that there are no real commercials. There are just ads for like Army stuff and safety. Just imagine this: think of "the more you know" commercials, but then think of them being done w/out famous people giving the message and imagine them in a quality of Baltimore car dealer commericals. Also imagine eveyone in the commercial wearing fatigues. Ok---there you have it: ALL THE COMMERCIALS ON TV.

Friday, March 10th: Wurtzburg

• Kimmy and I went to Wurtzburg, which is like 30 minute drive from their city. It's also where Kimmy works at the 1st Infantry Division Museum.
• We visited the museum, saw cool tanks, guns, old rations, and met her boss. Her name is Gabby and she looks like Shrek, but imagine Shrek being a woman and white, not green.
• Saw the Wurtzburg castle, you have to walk up this path and it started to rain and we were afraid that we wouldn't make it in time before it closed. So we ate instead, b/c we were both famished
• We ate wurst, like usual, except this place had bangin' potatoes and a good salad. Also, we had Radler---which is this delicious beer. Especially if you won't really like beer, like if you like cider instead. It is like lemonadey-beer. Anyway, it's good!
• Then we walked around, saw a few really great churches and then went back home.
• We had to pack for Munchen, and drive the dog to the kennel.
• Drive to Munchen. I ate too much Haribo candy and then my blood sugar went crashing down. I felt sick and needed sustanenace.
• We forgot the STROH***

***Stroh is this disgusting alcohol, when you smell it you think: hmmmm...is this a mix of oil and nail polish remover? We were supposed to bring it to Munich so that I could drink some and be inducted into the Stroh shot club.

• We drive three hours to Munich, we were meeting Jason's friends Tony and Wink there. They had arrived before us and checked out the place that kim reserved for us to stay at and apparently it was like a rat hole. We stayed at the sheraton instead.
• We get there and walk a million miles to this restaurant where I eat risotto and drink more beer.
• We go across the street to a champagne bar and I had a bellini, not exactly your typical 1am drink. But it was better than the scotch that the boys were drinking.

Saturday, March 11th: Munchen in Full

• Woke up and had the complementary breakfast, which was exhaustive. I didn't feel well, I had like an air bubble stuck in my intestines and it felt like someone was stabbing me everyone once in a while. So I didn't talk much. But it was yummy.
• Kimmy and I went on an adventure to the Munchen art museum. They have an amazing collection. Lots of Rubens, Rembrandt, and Durer---so northern baroque.
• Then we walked over to the Glockenspeil and took pix there. Went into another church, it was the one that the current pope was "stationed" at or whatever. So there are all these things around about how proud they are.
• Ate a sandwich.
• Went shopping, got presents for the fam and got some really cute shoes. I can't wait to wear them to work (Biggs---they are so adorable, I thought of you when I bought them)
• Then while we were shopping, Kimmy and I dreamed about being rich.
• Went back to hotel, took a nap to get ready for the evening's festivities.
• Woke up and went to eat---had schnitzel---it was good. Also ate Apple Strudel and drank Radler, that good beer I was talking about earlier.
• Went to the Hopfbrauhaus--this is the beer place with the bis ass stein's of beer and the ladies wearing those like "German outfits" and the Oompa band and everything. Drank a liter of beer.
• We went to Hard Rock and drank a little there too. (I know---it's totally American, but it was across the street and there were like no American's there) I got stuff for my nephews.
• At this point it was like----really freezing and snowing outside. We took a cab to this Russian club. It was very strange. We were the only americans there for sure and probably the only non-Russians. They played Russian music and like very technoey and not really that great music. There were like two "american" songs played and they were cut off. It was only ok. We left at like 2:00.
• Kim and Wink wanted a Doner----this is a turkish food, basically it's a gyro. There are a lot of Turks in Germany. I chilled w/the Turk who was making the Doner for them.
• Took a cab home, started blizzarding and out cab/van was sliding out of control 80% of the time.

Sunday, March 12th: Back to America

• Woke up---ate Breakfast, said goodbye to Wink and Tony and drove back to Schweinfurt.
• Got home, packed and then proceeded to drive to Frankfut. On this drive I did eat some Haribo candy, but I didn't get sick like before.
• Flight home was fine and uneventful.

*Things Germans like to Eat:

1. Sausage/Bratwurst
2. Cabbage
3. Potatoes
4. Beer
5. Apples
6. Bread
7. Breaded Veal/Pork
8. Cabbage
9. Potatoes
10. Sausage/Bratwurst

So the trip was great. BIG shout out to both Kim and Jason for hosting me. It was a fantastic trip. I'll be sure to share some good photos when I upload them. :)

Getting back to work was fine. I woke up rearing to go at like 4:30am. I was disappointed to have to go back to sleep b/c I was totally awake. I have a new crush at the office that I won't talk about in detail b/c I don't want my work location being revealed. Who knows what kind of sleuthing you people do. But obviously, most of you know where I work anyway. Don't put it in the comments section. I want it to be on the DL.

Have a great Monday everyone!
Love,
Lauren

Apology and Oscars

First I want to apologize for not posting for a while. I don't want to set a precedent that I post on the weekends b/c I really don't. I don't have the patience to sit down at the computer and type on the weekend when I sit in front of a computer all day long at work every other day. Get my drift?

Well---I have a few things to say I think. Beth, I'm sorry that I didn't address your comment about me loving "crap dip" (instead of crab dip, for those slow readers). I think it's very funny and as a result, I'm not going to change it, instead I'm going to leave it as is.

So the Oscars were boring. Every year it gets hyped up and shit and then when you actually sit down to watch it the following things happen:

1. You get annoyed at Ryan Seacrest immediately.
2. You see a commercial every 5 milliseconds.
3. They interview lame people on the red carpet, not cool people.
4. The people on E! comment on how "beautiful" Keira Knightly and Michelle Williams looked and I personally thought they didn't look that great. Michelle looked like a lemon doll and Keira looked like someone cut off her strap and made her wear a butt-ugly necklace.
5. You have to hear the annoying Oscar music at ALL points in the show.
6. You have to listen to laundry lists of the people the winners thank. (like anyone cares who inspired the winner of "best sound mixing in a cartoon documentary")
7. Yeah, and about those categories. Make the award show an hour, show good comedy by the host and the awards that people care about.
8. Think about how many montages are planned for the show, then remove half of them.
9. You think about removing Dolly Parton from the stage.
10. You felt bad for Lauren Bacall.

I realize that list didn't really make sense. Sorry.

One hilarious thing is that I was watching Veronica Mars (yes, I LOVE this show) and Wallace made a reference to an ocelot. THAT is automatically a mark of a good show. If you didn't know, ocelots are my favorite animals. Kimmy sent me this article about ocelots from National Geographic and I cut out all the pictures and am going to make a collage of them and frame it so I can look at them all the time. If you don't know what an ocelot is: google image search them and you will see the coolest animal ever.

Denim Doctor update: So---you know how I mailed my crotch-ripped jeans to the Denim Doctor the other week? Well---they called and said they got the jeans and that they could fix them for only $40.00! I'm so excited. It takes like a month or so for them to mail them back to me, but I don't care. I'm so excited. No more pee-stained patch for me!

If you want to know the bets my chiropractor and I made with each other, you are going to have to contact me personally. Thanks. I know everyone is so curious. :)

I'm leaving for Germany tonight to visit Kimmy and Jason! I'm super excited! I can't wait. I've never really been to Germany proper, I've been to the airport a few times, but we all know how that doesn't count. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures and everything and share all my glorious experiences with you. I don't think I'll be able to post while I'm over there, but I'm also not sure. Don't get your hopes up. Especially b/c we are going to Munich for two days or something. Whoop! Who wants a postcard?

On Saturday I watched "Hide and Seek" with Britt. Of course, Britt fell asleep, leaving me alone in the dark watching that scary-ass movie. It is a whacked out movie with a "twist" at the end. I don't recommend it. It is freaky and then after the fact you say, "that movie was stupid". I think that if you are scared during the movie, cool---that means that it was somewhat successful. But the mark of a REALLY successful scary movie is if you think afterwards, "Wow, that was scary. I'm still thinking of how scary that was. I almost want to die thinking about it." An example of this type of movie would be "The Ring". If I had died during that movie, everything would have been a-OK. I was that scared. Right Beth? I won't bore you with the details of my fear.

So----it's the morning and the phone is barely ringing. Plus the Superficial keeps showing stupid pictures of Lindsay Lohan looking like trash. I don't care about Lindsay Lohan.

Shout outs:
-To Nick who just celebrated his 23rd birthday on Sunday.
-Happy Birthday to China, who's bday was on Saturday.
-to Michael Erno, who is gorgeous and so grown up. I'm so glad i got to see you this weekend. Just like old times.
-to Lago, Katie, and LB---fun times in Morrocco.
-to Britt and Mango, for a fun weekend.
-to Jess for feeding me and letting me watch the Oscars at your place
-for Ron for a good conversation last night.
-to Leah, who I need to call back and I'm sorry---I will soon.
-to random people who have contacted me through myspace including:
1. Margaret
2. Heydi
3. Kacey
4. Sarah

Hope everyone has a great rest of the day!
Love,
Lauren

Job and Chiropractor

Good Friday morning!
It's "burnt toast and coffee time!"

Remember when we used to listen to that on the bus every morning? *Sigh* Donnie Simpson and WPGC. I thought he was white for a really long time, until I saw him at some concert. I know, I'm retarded. How come all bus drivers listened to PGC? It was cool.

I have excellent news for you all this morning: I'm officially no longer going to be working in my present position at my job. I'm being moved to another team starting MONDAY! I actually found this out yesterday but I didn't want to write two posts and I decided that I'd save the good news for today's post. So, all of this is very exciting. I feel as if a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. While I'm nervous for my new job position, I'm confident that I will be great at the new position and really shine there. The woman I'm replacing is going on maternity leave b/c she is adopting a new baby from Guatamela. She says she is going to come back but I always am skeptical of people that say that. Because I know two people that I worked with that decided NOT to come back once they had their kids. So, we'll see. Anyway, a temporary home is better than a bad permanent home. So, there will be no more bitching on my part about you-know-who, and I don't mean Voldemort. I'm happy. Though I was warned that if I don't perform well at this new team, then things are looking grim for me here. But we aren't going to think about that. It's just like the time where I had to pass that horrible test to keep my job and my last chance of taking the test was the last day I had to pass it or else I was fired. Yeah, I pulled through. So---the next time I see any of you will be a cause for celebration. A new Lauren will emerge----one that doesn't feel like her life sucks every day and is like totally depressed all the time. What a difference a boss can make.

I'm annoyed that I forgot a hair tie today. I'm also starving. I ALSO COOKED DINNER FOR MYSELF LAST NIGHT! It was a first in a long time. I also went swimming. Though, I was swimming for like 45 minutes and then my face started to burn. I think it was from the water. The pH must have been like too high/low or something. But I didn't want to be "that annoying patron" that was all like, "um, excuse me ms. lifeguard, are you sure you checked the pH recently? It seems to be burning my skin." So---I just got out and sat in the steam room instead of bitching.

OK---so now comes the bulk (if in importance to me, not in terms of length) of my entry. It should have been called "Why I'm in love with my Chiropractor." It's getting a bit ridiculous. Yesterday we made two bets. One I lost and the other I won. *See Jared, I DO win bets sometimes.* I'm officially trying my hardest to flirt with him but totally like---I can't ask out my doctor b/c what if I'm reading the signals all wrong and in reality he's just being nice. My friends tell me otherwise but I'm too scared to make a move. I guess I'll keep flirting and pray he asks me out. *sigh*

I just sat down with the guy that is going to replace me at work----we had a nice little "positive" chat. He's a nice guy and I think he'll go ok. Plus there is going to be a third person added to the team and that will probably create a different and new dynamic. Anyway, life goes on.

I need to think about what I want for lunch, because it's in the forefront of my mind and my stomach. Why am I always starving? I'm never just "sort of hungry" at work.

TGIF to everyone!
Love,
Lauren

Lent and CAP

Ok, I guess I have a few things to write about. Sorry I didn't post yesterday. It wouldn't have been worth your time. I liked that I was getting into the habit of writing every day but it just didn't seem worth it to type useless information for you people.

Well, this morning was gross, since now that I put my radiator on full blast it gets really hot at night and I wake up with like a sore throat. So---that started to annoy me. I think I need a humidifyer or something, maybe that would make it better. Anyway, I was in the shower and then suddenly I felt like I had a lougie coming up----sure enough---I spit into the sink. I'm not going to describe it because that it what your imagination is for but it was the most disgusting one I'd ever seen in my young life. I was very glad it was no longer in my body. I felt immensely better after that charade. I think this increase in lougies also might be attibuted to me being a loser and going to be early every night this week so far. I digress...

Last night I went to a new church for Ash Wednesday. It was on the west side and really I want to find a good church here in the city. So I finally did. It's really nice inside and everyone that I met was also nice. I think I'm going to try and go more often when I'm not traveling on the weekends.

So now that it's lent, and you are supposed to repent and reflect and work on something during these 40 days and 40 nights. It's got me thinking, what could I work on to improve myself? There are so many options at my fingertips. So I've decided on a few things I'm going to try and keep up with. I mean, if the power of God can't get me to keep these, I'm doomed.

Lent Resolutions:
1. only drink water, juice, black coffee--no soda or gatorade--health purposes
2. eat more fruits/veggies--health purposes
3. cook two dinner meals at home--mental health/overcoming laziness
4. bring lunch once a week--mental health/overcoming laziness
5. be more patient--mental health

So, yeah, that's what I'm working on. I'm also working on being stronger at work and not letting the evil things that happen to me affect me as much.

FYI--Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire comes out on DVD next week. I'm buying it immediately and then I'll have the whole set to watch over and over again. Feel free to call me a loser at any point.

On a different note, last night I tried that "cheating death" POM juice. It tastes totally sub par. If I had my eyes closed I'd be like, "oh, I'm drinking grape juice, except it tastes a little bit more sour and worse." I hope it is actually good for you or else I just made my tastesbuds pissed.

It's snowing outside. Great. I only have my sneakers. My office friend Gail was like---it's supposed to snow 5-7 inches. I definitely didn't hear about this development. I have to look on Doppler. Sometimes I wish that Alexi did get that Dopper 5000 for Christmas that one year, then I would just be able to like tap into her weather knowledge. One funny thing is that I remember, she did this presentation for our research class on what she was going to write her essay on---and obviously it was about wanting to be a meteorologist. She had put together this really cute 5 day forcast on this poster board. But, then the presentations got postponed and she didn't feel like making a new one for the new day so the 5-day forecast was all wrong. It was great. It was almost as funny as when Megan Gabriel had forgotten all about her presentation and the interactive part of it, so during lunch she drove home, grabbed a bag of Mahatma rice and said that she was going to do her essay on Ghandi. It was classic. I even think Mr. Lloyd bought it. I hope he reads this blog:

Dear Mr. Lloyd,
Why did everything have to be "interactive"? Why were your grades so whack? I'll never forget the time you gave me and Susannah C's and D's on a effing stupid ad deconstruction. Was our preformance really worth a D? I think not. Hope you are out there greatly influencing the lives of middle schoolers and making sure they are media literate.
Sincerely,
Lauren

I'm hungry. I've also decided to go on a mini-vacation for Memorial Day weekend. Any thoughts on where I could go? Also, one of you could come with me if you wanted. It would be fun. I was thinking about going to the pool and hanging out---but what if the weather is bad? Anyway, it would be much more fun if I went somewhere. Even if it wasn't that far away, as long as it was a mini-vacation and an adventure of some sort. I must say though---most travel expeditions with yours truly, are adventures. :)

Ok, it's off to work. Have a fantastic rest of the day!

Love,
Lauren