Freezer and Pranks

TGIF Everyone!

I'm finally consistantly hydrated!
I just went to the bathroom and my pee was light yellow, which is a sign of hydration. I've been drinking a lot of water recently, mostly because I really am obsessed with the flip top on the Evian bottle. I've been reusing the bottle and it's a good incentive to drink when the top is so ergonomically friendly.

Finally bought tickets to two of the films in the Tribeca Film Festival. Going to see one on Sunday and then one next Wednesday night with Jessica. The tickets are like 12 bucks a pop so I really can't afford to see anymore than that---cause of my budget.

MY FREEZER IS BEING FIXED TOMORROW!
My freezer has been broken since October and I FINALLY got off my ass and called the repairman. About some things I'm lazy and about others, I'm not lazy. You don't even know how having a freezer is going to change my life. Things I'm going to put in the freezer.

1. Ice Cream
2. Edamame
3. lasagna from Trader Joes
4. chicken
5. Ice

*New York Fun Fact: Did you KNOW that "Tribeca" is like a sort-of acronym for "Triangle Below Canal" (which is a street downtown)? If you did, that's great! If not, now you know.

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So I've recently become OBSESSED with pranks. One problem is that I have no one to play them on. So I read about them, laugh hysterically, imagine myself doing them, and then----it's enough satisfaction for me. Although, I'm thinking about doing some at MLW this summer. So beware MSEL. :) (wicked laugh) Here are two I'd like to share with you...simple but brilliant.

Prank #1: The Pee Disc

1. Get one of those aluminum pie plates at the grocery store, pee in it---like half a centimeter full.
2. Freeze the pee in the freezer
3. Once, it's frozen, slide it under a door of someone you don't like.

*This prank is perfect for those of you readers still in college.
**This is also best done in the summer or when you know the victim will be away for the weekend, you get the double whammy of having it melt AND evaporate creating a horrific smell.

Prank #2: "Hey, smell this."

*This joke comes in two different varieties but applies the same principle. You either need to get your victim to smell or put their hand over a food item, and then you shove their body part or the food item to precipitate contact between the two.

Objective: to make a mess that will be smeared on the person's body part(s)

Example: You are eating birthday cake (or perhaps a cupcake if you are with me) with some of your friends and you say to one of them with a curious inquisitive expression, "this cake is delicious but the icing sort of smells like fried bananas (or insert other funny/random/non-associated smell)". This will no doubt get the person to wonder how in the world the dessert could smell like bananas when it's a funfetti cake with vanilla icing and they will lean in to take a whiff for themselves.
Now is your chance to strike!
Smack the bottom of the plastic plate/cupcake wrapper with full force, so the cake and frosting smear on their nose and face. You can clearly see how this is hilarious, especially if the person wears glasses or gets the food in their eye causing a stinging sensation.

Clean version (clearly not as fun though...):
Try saying something like, "That newspaper made my hands smell like paint" and when they go to see if their hands smell too, shove their hand in their face.

My favorite one:
Try luring someone to put their hand over a food that is gooeyor slimy like applesauce, pudding, jello, pasta, guacamole) Then say, "geez...feel the heat coming off of this (insert food)". This then will hopefully cause them to put their hand right over the gooey food-----enabling you to slam it right into the dish. Hilarious.


So I hope I've whetted your appetite for pranks with those two examples. I encourage you to try them on people and then report back.

I have to use the bathroom again, so I'm going to end here (one side-effect of drinking a lot of water). Have a fantastic weekend if I don't post.

Love,
Lauren

Fun List and News

Happy Freedom Day!
It's also a New Moon. In case you didn't know.
My trusty desk calendar tells all.

There are several things that I've discovered recently that have made me immensely happy. Are you ready for them?

1. travel peanut butter (you know, like the jelly packets, they make them in PB now)
2. the flip top on the new evian water bottles
3. the invention of coffee injections-- instead of drinking lots of cups in the morning, you can just give yourself a shot*
4. making evites
5. thinking about the ice cream party i'm going to have when it actually becomes spring
6. "barely there" adult diapers so you don't have to get up & use the bathroom at work when you are doing trades or other important things*
7. Read receipt
8. 6 bladed razors*
9. corporate softball
10. my cute blue striped searsucker capris

What's going on for Memorial Day? I know people are going to San Diego but I can't afford that so I wanted to go something cool. I think it's just going to materialize as me going to Northwest Branch and trying to get a tan, providing it doesn't rain.

Yesterday was administrative professionals day, which really doesn't describe my job at all, but no one did jack shit for me. From now on I'm never going to recognize any holiday that would possibly make someone's day better.**

I hate assholes.

Love,
Lauren

*this denotes something that I would LIKE to have discovered although no such thing actually exists.

**denotes a false statement, a product of exaggeration by simplylauren

Pigeons and Softball

Good morning!
I know your morning was better than mine for sure because you have hot water and you don't have to take a shower at the gym at 5:30am. Right?

So last night I wanted to go to the gym, generally---to work out, not specifically to take a shower. But then I got lazy (shocking) and didn't want to move at all. I just wanted to stay at home and read or something. Well, it was more like--stay at home and bullshit around with Mike and Aliza. :) Anyway. I desperately needed to take a shower since yesterday I didn't and my hair was like an oil factory. So---I had Aliza call me at 5am to wake me up. And, anyone who knows me knows that if I hear the phone ringing and I'm sleeping or like trying to fall asleep, I will not answer it. The other times, I actually can't hear the phone. But---I did answer the phone at 5am this morning. I wasn't actually THAT tired though. I had gone to bed relatively early. I realize immediatly that no working out is going to happen at the gym and instead, it will be the sort of thing where I walk in, strip, take a shower, and leave. I did just that. I slept for a few more minutes and then sauntered up the street to the gym. The guy at the front desk must have known that I didn't work out. SInce I came in with oily hair and left with wet hair and with a bit more spring in my step. I don't even really give a shit what he thought. Though it is pretty lame that I got my ass out of bed to go to the gym and then didn't even really work out. The membership has been worth it already based on the number of times I've JUST used their shower there when my ghetto apartment doesn't have hot water randomly. But I think this will be the last time for a while since they are actually replacing the boiler.

So recently the pigeons that hang out around my windows and fire escape have gotten a little rowdier than normal. First, let it be on the record that I hate pigeons. I hate them almost as much as I hate masks. Which, as you know, is a lot. Pigeons are the bane of my existence and to be honest, if they were removed from the earth--- my window sill and fire escape, at the very least, would be a lot cleaner. Moving on, they sit right outside my kitchen window and like flutter around and make annoying hooting sounds all the time. It's so obnoxious. There are like 3 of them hanging out and fluttering and like flapping all over the damn place. My usual tactic is to bang something against the window, it scares them, and they ultimately fly away. I did that this morning in the bathroom but not one thing happened! They just kept flapping around totally ignoring me! How RUDE! I hate pigeons. Oh, so the point of this story was that I just looked up online right now why they might be behaving in such a strange and obnoxious way and apparently it's mating season. Great, I can't wait for the pigeon babies to infultrate my apartment as well.

So I made my company softball team. We are the defending champions and I made the cut. :) I'm very excited. If any of you new yorkers want to come and watch our games, they start in June and they are everyt Thursday night. Holla'. Also, if you have any softball tips (Susannah or Biggs in particular) please hook a sista' up!

Shout Outs:
Aliza----best pen pal ever. Great chatting with you last night. Thanks for the wake up call.
Mike---you are such a loyal blog reader even though you leave rogue comments on my entries.
Ron D---for leaving me a good voicemail. TCN baby.

Happy Hump Day!
Love,
Lauren

Weekend Update and other Tid Bits

I'm annoyed already this morning and it's so early. I went to hop in the shower and the water was ICE. Not even remotely warm. It was ice cold. So I was pissed. Normally I would frantically run to the gym to get a hot shower but I was way too tired this morning to muster up any energy of the sort. So I'm feeling gross right now.

The Weekend with Stephanie:
It was so great to have her up for the weekend. Uninturrupted sister time. It was great! We pretty much walked all over Manhattan--I tried to give her a taste of all the different 'hoods in NYC.

Friday Night: walked up and down Madison Avenue---window shopped, got chinese takeout and stuffed out faces in my apt, went and saw American Dreamz.*

*a note about American Dreamz: it was good and cute but it seemed like it was made in like one hour. It wasn't that deep and the storyline was a bit strange. I never saw the trailer but I'd be interested to now that I've seen it. Save your money.

Saturday: woke up and went to H&H for Bagels, took subway downtown to Union Square, walked all around there---into SoHo (oh 008 people----I FINALLY found that shoe store I kept talking about, you know the one with the cheap Saucony's), then the WTC and Canal Sreet, went back uptown----ate leftover Chinese Food---watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding to "decompress", as Stephanie says. Then we made a reservation at this little cute Italian place around the corner from my house. We went to the Met to see the Hatshepsut exhibit---was SO awesome. You should def go and see it. Then we ate at around 9. The food was so yummy and we ended up staying really late and eating with the matire'd and the owner/chef. They were so great! They gave us free wine and coffee. We finally got home around 1:30am. I passed out but Stephanie was way too wired from the coffee to actually fall asleep.

Sunday: it was pouring outside, which sucked. But we thought it would be a good idea to walk across the park to Church anyway. It was like a total downpour. We were both SOAKING wet when we got into church. Though the service was nice and we were glad we went. Stephanie wanted to go to Tiffany's and get a ring she's always wanted. So----we walked down through Columbus Circle and then down 5th ave to Tiffs. It was cool. Finally we hopped on the subway to home. We grabbed pizza slices and then took an hour nap. * When we woke up---we walked down to the Container Store and bought some organizing things for my apartment, namely the coat closet and my bathroom. Then we walked (painfully) back home again. We did however, stop and get Jamba Juice before heading home. Organizing is a Hanson specialty and we totally worked as a team getting rid of old clothes and fixing up my limited space closet. Very excellent bonding time. Then, both exhausted, we sat around watching Napoleon Dynamite waiting for Cem to come get her. As soon as she left, I was asleep.

*a note about the nap: we were both really exhausted after like two days of walking non-stop. We were sore and completely spent. I'm surprised we even made it this far.

What a fun weekend! Whoo----

Funny Quotes:

While in the Hatshepsut exhibit at the Met...
Stephanie: Do you think they could find some DNA on these things? I bet they can. You know...SOMETHING that we could look at.
Lauren: No, well---they would have to find a tooth or a hair follicle and even if you have that---after like 100 years, they are no good. So these are pretty much out of the question.
Stephanie: You're right.
Lauren: Besides, even if they did find something, what would they do? Look it up in the database?!

Walking along the street...
Stephanie: (pointing at Tasti-D-Lite) So, do you go in that candy store a lot?
Lauren: No, it's actually more of an ice cream place. But I hate it, I think the ice cream tastes like acid.
Stephanie: Is that good?
Lauren: I mean, maybe you like the taste of acid, but I don't.
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I broke it off with the "sultan suitor" as Jess likes to call it. Yeah---no good.

Last Thursday I saw my Chiropractor----and we just kicked it. I was having a weird day, probably b/c sultan kept calling me at work and creeping me out. Plus, I was having one of those general poopy days. He made me feel better. :)

Attention Cool/Normal/Around my age/good looking Guys: I'm available. Please inquire within. Thanks. Any of the following need not apply:
1. if you are retired or about to retire
2. are conservative
3. are generally a loser
4. are too touchy feely right away on the first date
5. haven't left the country
6. are close-minded
7. overall sucky
8. boring
9. not funny
10. have never been to a museum before

Shout Outs:
Britt: Are you alive? Please call me back! Are you in NY? Are you in MD? Did you get my Bday card? Hello?!?
Stephanie: Best sister ever. I love you.
Beth and LB: so excited about hanging out tomorrow night! Going to be awesome!
Leah: great talking to you last night. :) can't wait to see you again!!
Alexi: please call me. I have to tell you something HILARIOUS
Carolyn: sorry about Gus. :(


In Other News: Kate and Bryan are engaged. It is crazy. I'm very excited for them. But it's such overwhelming news. Congrats again guys!

More fun adventures coming up!

Love,
Lauren

P.S I know I said yesterday that I was going to write about the Boys and Girls Club, but I'll write about that later---it's too much for one entry. Sorry!

Coming Tomorrow...

1. all about Stephanie's visit
2. my date follow-up
3. how i'm still in love with my chiropractor
4. other hormonal frustrations
5. boys and girls club

it's all coming tomorrow in a long entry. promise!

xoxo,
Lauren

Date and Annoying

So---I was debating whether or not to write about my date last night on this thing. There is a part of me that wants to keep stuff a secret but then----it would take the fun away from all you readers that want the dirt about me. So, I'm going to tell you all about my date ok?

First of all, this guy is loaded. He came to pick me up in this phatty brand new beamer. I was like---hmmm...ok. Money doesn't bother me. It's a nice perk, I have to say, but there are so many other factors that are more important. Honestly, it's nice to know that deep down I'm not exactly superficial and that I wouldn't date someone just for their money. Moving on...so we drove down to the village where we ate dinner, at Da Silvanos. It was really cute---plus I love the village. And also I never would have been able to afford dinner there without someone buying it for me.

He was really touchy feely right away which was sort of a turn off. I mean, I don't mind the occasional arm touch or something, but he tried to hold my hand--and did at some point until I would pull it away. It was horribly awkward. Whatever. The date was fun. He's had a really interesting life but he's just in a different stage than me. Which also means, in this circumstance, that he's significantly older than me. Which I wouldn't have minded if we were in the same place in life---or something. But he told me he wanted to retire soon----he's 38---and like do other things, maybe start his own business or something. Not exactly sure. But clearly, he's loaded.

He rides/jumps horses, another product of his wealth I'm certain. You can't do equestrian if you don't have money. He has been all over the world. He's from either Jordan or Iraq---I can't remember and then went to boarding school in Switzerland or something and then went to college in the states at like MIT. So he's a genuis and smart, but still----not on the same life page.

OK, also---this may sound really snobby, but I'm willing to take that chance----he likes me too much. There is no chase, no real fun for me. Let me give you an example: when I got out of the car last night, he was like---I'll call you tomorrow. For most people, that means tomorrow night, if that you know? He calls me at like 9am, and I didn't answer. Then, he calls again at 9:30am, I didn't answer that one either. Finally, he calls again at like 10:30am and I answered and said that I was busy and would have to talk to him later. I mean, it was the truth. But calling me at work before 10 and right after the market opens? Come on! He's like, "call me later, when you have a chance." I wanted to say something like----no, I dont' really want to call you later. But even if I don't, I'm pretty sure that he'll call me again. jesus.

Why can't any cool, awesome, my-age, nice, funny guys want to go out with me?! Why? I always get people who are stalkerish. It's totally annoying.

Ok, that was serious venting and I'm sorry if you thought that was too much inforamtion or if you think differently of me. I guess I'm starting to use this blog to vent about personal things. If you have any advice to offer----that would be great. As to ways I could remedy this situation read: what to do.

I am seeing the chiropractor today. Maybe this visit will provide some much needed happiness and a new found hope with respect to the opposite sex.

Sorry this wasn't funny or witty.

Love you,
Lauren

Apologies and Alien Baby

sorry---no post today---i have to get mentally ready for my date tonight.

yep, that's right. a date.

Love,
Lauren

P.S. I hope Tom Cruise's baby is an alien.

Updates

Hey all!
I don't have much to say today but there are few things I know you want to be updated on.

1. My jeans from the denim doctor: they still haven't arrived, so----they aren't fixed yet and it's taking forever. I'll definitely let you know when they come b/c I'll be really excited.

2. the ocelot lady: it turns out that she runs a facility for captive endangered species, of which the ocelot is one. I told her I didn't actually breed ocelots and she said she was disappointed that we couldn't work together. Strange woman...

3. I don't have a chiropractor appt. this week----but I might just go and drop the snowglobe off anyway. I'm tired of looking at it. The snow looks so ghetto---it's like not even white, it's glitter. whoop.

4. the banana I'm eating isn't ripe enough. It's leaving that nasty film on my teeth. You all know what I mean.

5. I hate the Nets b/c they are usurping the time I would be watching Veronica Mars tonight.

6. I'm in a really productive mood---bring it on. I've done like a million things at work already and I'm really proud of myself.

7. My cell phone needs to be taken in to the store today to get updated technology. Apparently it's be disfunctioning b/c my software or something is outdated. It explains a lot. Don't call me in the afternoon b/c that's when it'll be updating at the verizon store.

8. My current new obsessiong: hair ribbons. Welcome back high school lacrosse.

Love yous,
Lauren

Easter Weekend and Quotes

Ah----the joys of Easter. So many great things happened! You know...Jesus rising up from the dead, escaping him tomb and all--
and me hanging out with my family and friends!

I guess I have some stories. Carolyn said that I should write more stories on this thing. I sort of thought that's what I was going, but then she mentioned how a lot of other famous blogs write different stories and such. I feel like a lot happened this weekend but when I go and try to verbalize it/write it down---it seems mundane and hard.

Saw the girls this weekend, that was great fun. We went to dinner and then over to Jeff's for poker. I didn't play. Jeff, I'm sorry I left you and that you lost. You can fully blame me. Ben, WTF was up with you dissing me and Leah in the cab?

My favorite part of the night was listening to Ben talk into a tennis racket while me, Alex, and Leah roared with laughter and Andrew just took pictures of us laughing at squinty-eyed Benny.

Also hung out with Nick and Jess on Friday night---it was fun, chill and of course I passed out on the couch, then woke up at 6am and then slept in Bird's bed for the rest of the night.


Memorable Quotes from this weekend:
------------------------
"I'm not going to fold these ok? I don't even know what they're for!"
-my mom regarding my collection of thongs that she just washed.
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Me: I'm sleeping over at Nick's tonight ok, with Jess. See you.
Papa: Lauren, you know---I threw away that Renu stuff. I'm confiscating it. I don't want you going blind. I'm serious.
Me: Um...ok fine...but you have to buy me new solution since you threw mine away.
Papa: It's a big deal. I don't want to see you using it ever again ok?
Me: OK! Then buy me some new kind!
Papa: Fine, I will.
Me: I'm leaving.

the next morning

Papa: Sorry I came down hard on you about the eye solution.
Me: It's ok. I don't care. Did you get me a new bottle?
Papa: Yes I'm going now. You know, I just don't want you to get an eye infection.
Me: Yeah, I don't exactly have the best track record for those. (if you want to know about me and my eye problems, inquire within)
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Bora: Lauren do you want to hear a joke?
Me: Yes. Def.
Bora: Knock, Knock...
Me: Who's there?
Bora: Pizza.
Me: Pizza who?
Bora: The pizza that smushed up on the tree.
Me: ...
Bora: *laughing*
Me: Bora, I don't get it. Did you make that up?
Bora: Yes.
Me: Clearly...

(minutes later, going into pantry to write joke down for blog purposes)

Bora: What are you writing?
Me: I'm writing the joke you just told me down so I remember it.
Bora: Who are you going to tell it to?
Me: My friends.
Bora: But you are going to tell them Bora made it up right?
Me: Yes, Bora. Of course!
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*Alp, Bora, Berk and I are playing hide and seek---Bora is it*
(One must realize that their idea of hide and seek is me counting to 20, and then playing tag. No hiding is involved really since all we do is run around the house and try and catch each other.)

Me: Bora is coming! Run!
Alp: You don't need to worry---running from Bora? He is the slowest runner ever.
Berk: (he's wearing a diaper and sneakers and nothing else and realizes he can't fully participate in this game b/c he's slower than everyone) Guys, I'm just going to wait here on the porch ok?
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Bora: Lauren look---it's a fighter!*
*they are REALLY into TopGun right now and everything flying in the sky is a fighter jet plane*
Me: Bora, no it's not.
Bora: Yes, huh...It is. It's Goose.
Me: Goose died. It's not him.
Bora:....with really whiney voice---Lau-ren!
----------------------
*me, playing with Alp's PSP*

Me: Wow, I'm horrible. I can't get the car to stay on the road. This game is stupid.
Alp: Want to see me play, I bet I'm way better than you.
Me: I bet you are, cause if you were worse than me It would be a disgrace.
Alp: See, I can stay on the road.
Me: Well, aren't you cool?
Alp: It's cause I'm a boy. I can play video games better than you.
Me: What?...Well, you're totally right. I suck at video games.
-----------------------
Berk: Lauren?
Me: Yes, what's up?
Berk: Can I go in the attic?
Me: um...what attic? We don't have an attic.
Berk: NO---the attic! Outside!
Me: (look outside, don't see an attic) Oh! the Hammock!
Berk: Yes, the attic! I want to go!
Me: Ok, that's cool. It's called a Hammock though.
-----------------------
*Berk is hanging upside down on a chair, with his head hanging off the seat*
Me: Berk, when you do that I can see up your nose and I can see all the boogers in there.
Berk: (gets up all paranoid about his boogers and checks his nose for them.)
Me: See?
Berk: It's ok, dey are just yittle boogers.
---------------------

I at so much candy and chocolate this weekend. I also was forced to bring a lot home. So if any of you want candy, please come over or let me know and I'll bring you some. Beth, I'm bringing a lot over to your house tomorrow.

SHOUT OUTS!

Susannah: Thanks for calling! It was great to hear from you. :) Made my night!
UPENN Architecture program kids who read/care about my blog--- especially Jeff, Susannah's partner. Thanks for your support!
Becca: Feel better soon! I'm sorry you're sick.
Jesus: Way to be----pulling off only being dead for THREE DAYS! I'm telling you---that is incredible. I'm quite thankful. Although I'm still skeptical of how your girl Mary Magdalene didn't recognize you and thought you were the gardner? What's up with THAT? Didn't she notice your cross wounds?
Mom: I know you don't read this blog (thankfully) but had a great time hanging out/baking with you. xo
Biggs: Thanks for the jewish candy. It was delicious. How did Jason do at golf on Sunday?
Alex: Poker extraordinaire---did you think that guy that was sitting across from me and Jeff was strange? I did. Sorry it took so long for me to get the candy out of the freezer for you.
Leah: so fun seeing/hanging out with you :) xoxoxoxo times a million.
CK: glad we got a chance to hang Friday evening. :) hope you are feeling better. I'm linking your blog today.
Jeff: Thanks for your comfortable lap. :)

Ah, back to the grind.

TCA and Ocelots

So if you don't know what TCA stands for---I'll tell you. Thomas Crown Affair. When I was at the beach last weekend with MLW people Derryck says, "Oh, Lauren--you missed it, we were watching an art history movie earlier today." OR something like that. I looked at him and rolled my eyes and responded, "What? Thomas Crown Affair?" Derryck, chuckled and said, "Yes, actually." So, the point of that story was two fold. The first fold is that I'm a genius and can read minds. The second fold is that I know that it is a sad state of things when people think TCA is an art history movie when it's not really about art at all and instead, a hot rich brilliant man who knows how to steal and trick everyone else. Moving on----

I want to apologize to Mike for yesterday night. I know you called at 11pm like you were supposed to, but I was passed out on the couch. I couldn't help myself. After my run I was like literally too exhausted to do anything but sit/lay on the couch and watch Thomas Crown Affair

(By the way that is what caused my little memory of Derryck--the fact that I was watching it last night).

I want to think of a new idea for Dirty Jobs that doesn't have to do with poop/sex excrement (despite my interest in both those things):
How about this...cleaning drains at the YMCA.
I already want to barf---or any public pool facility.
I just remember when I had to clean the drains at daleview and I would almost puke every time. I would have to dry heave over my shoulder to keep from ACTUALLY puking. It was horrible. Imagine if that was your job!


Ocelots:
I want everyone to know the following information... The other day I was looking on myspace and I saw that someone had left me a message with the re: Ocelots. I got very excited. Possibly someone with similar interests! Possibly a ocelot lover like myself! I was shaking with anticipation when I read the note. It said, "Hi, are you part of an ocelot breeding facility? I was just wondering. This is my sons myspace page."

A few things came to mind---
1. Why would a mom be like "hanging out" on her sons myspace page. That poor kid, he probably can't write anything cool on it if his mom is like signing in as him and everything.
2. What is going on with this woman? She must have searched for "ocelots" in the query and my page popped up.
3. WHY DOES SHE WANT TO KNOW IF I TRAIN/BREED OCELOTS!?

Ok, so I responded, "What? Is this a joke? Are you kidding?" And last night when I checked I saw that I had another message from the same lady er....her son's page---that read, "Yeah, well I was searching and your page popped up. I figured it wasn't real."

Some conclusions/questions I have/made about this lady:
1. You are American, why do you want to know if I breed/train ocelots?
2. Again, why are you using your son's myspace page to query such strange things?
3. You must be a circus freak or something.
4. You also must be stupid b/c clearly if you spent two seconds looking at my page and all the ocelot references you would be able to immediately tell that I am NOT an ocelot trainer or breeder. But instead, just another normal New Yorker with an affinity for ocelots. :)

Some people.

Happy early Easter everyone!

Love,
Lauren

P.S. In other news---there is a guy that works with me who has one of those chairs that looks like the chair that Timmy sits in from South Park. It's hilarious. I want to laugh in his face everytime I see him, but---I can't. you know---the whole termination issue...:)

Remembering and Other Things

It feels like it should be lunch time, but I just finished breakfast at my lovely desk. I sort of have a stomach ache b/c I inhaled a bowl of cereal and a banana that was very big. Anyway---I'm feeling better.

I'm annoyed b/c I left the snowglobe at home that I bought for my chiropractor. I'm so mad at myself. I didn't go running yesterday like I said I would----b/c I was too lazy. Instead I watched Veronica Mars and then went over to Beth's to watch MORE VMars. Oh the life that is mine.

I have to start working on New Staff stuff with Mike b/c you know that new staff day is going to be here before you know it and same with Staff training weekend. Yikes! The work has started already! My office crush is here today. I can stare all I want. One funny thing was that I was talking with Jessica (she met my chiropractor) and he said, "She's really funny huh?"---this was referring to me...and Jessica ALMOST said something about my blog. How humiliating would that have been!? Imagine him reading about how I've been in love with him since February?! So embarrassing. Let's hope the information doesn't get out. :)

What else you ask? I always think of fun things to write about or things I want to say---and I mean to write them down and I specifically remember how I was sitting on the subway yesterday and thought, "I want to write about this tomorrow on my blog." But of course I didn't have anything to write with and didn't get a chance to. *sigh* I don't want to be one of those people that carries around a notebook and writes stuff down like a loser. Maybe I'll just start carrying around a pen though and write things on my hand. Once when I was working for the BW (that stands for Black Widow---the woman I used to work for) I started to write something on my hand to remember, and she got so mad and was like, "Use a post it!" Whatever.

SHOUT OUTS:
Jessica: for helping out at the Boys & Girls club on Monday. It was great!

Beth: for being you---and for alwasy listening when I have to tell you a story about men I meet in airports, or my chiropractor. I meant to talk to you more about it yesterday but I didn't get a chance.

Leah: can't wait to hang out with you this weekend!

Christina: I know you don't read this---thankfully, but you are great!

Aliza: I got an envelope from you with no letter in it. It was weird. What was up with that. I meant to tell you that sooner. Freaky.

Lindsey: Ocelot Power.

Happy Hump Day!

Love,
Lauren

Fun Little (read: Long) Survey

I know you all probably hate these but to make up for lack of postings, I've included a bonus survey post so you can read when you may or may not know about simplylauren.

200. My name is: SimplyLauren
199: I was born on: December 22, 1982
198. I am a: very organized person
197. my cell phone company is: Verizon
196. My eye color is: green/blue/grey
195. My shoe size is: 7.5
194. My ring size is: have no clue (am I retarded?)
193. My hair color: blonde
192. My height is: 5'6"
191. I am allergic to: cats, which is a new development after Yasam died.
190. I live in: NYC
189. The last book I read: Blink by Malcom Gladwell
188. My bedtime is: anywhere from 10pm-1am
187. One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex is: they are clearly the inferior gender.
186. I am glad I'm me because: I rule.
185. It sucks that I'm me because: what? No, it doesn't suck that "I'm me". It's not like I don't want to be myself. What kind of twisted question is this?
184. If I could be anyone else for one day, I would prolly be: a boy, just to see what it's like.
183. My celebrity dream date is: Logan Echolls or George Clooney
182. My favorite day of the week is: tie b/t Monday and Friday
181. My favorite color is: pink
180. My favorite fairy tale is: Hansel and Gretel
179. My favorite Holiday is: Thanksgiving and Easter
178. The perfect kiss is: a good one.
177. The last three cd's I bought are: I can't remember. I don't buy CD's anymore.
176. Last song that made me cry was: that Christmas Shoes song.
175. Three of your fears: spiders, masks, heights
174. Food you hate: raisins and cooked carrots
173. Gross food you like and no one else does: pickeled herring
172. My most treasured POSSESION(S) is(are): pictures, my books, and my blanket
170. What did you do last night? went to Harlem to tutor/do mock interviews with the kids, ate dinner with Jess and watched Harry Potter
169. Do you floss: yes. daily.
168. Favorite part of your body: teeth. :)
167. My skin's reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): well everyone knows I get one CRUCIAL burn in the beginning of the summer---then I get super tan.
165. Last time you were at the beach? Saturday.

:::Either-Or:::
164. Pancakes or Waffles? Pancakes
163. Sun or Moon? Sun
162. Beach or Country? Beach
161. Desktop or Laptop? Laptop
160. NYT or Washington Post? WP
159. Car or Truck? Truck
158. Thin Mints or Samoas? hmmm...I think Samoas
157. Black/White or Color? I like both for different things
156. lipstick or lipgloss? lipgloss for sure.

:::Can you?:::
155. Play an instrument? yeppers!
154. Sing? i think so, but i'm no american idol.
153. Speak a different language? yes, a few.
152. Juggle? i can fake juggle with two balls. but no.
151. Roll your tongue? Yes. Thanks genetics!
150. French braid? No. I wish.
149. Do a cartwheel? Yes, actually a few in a row!
148. Put your whole fist in your mouth? um...no.
147. Whistle? Yes. who CAN'T whistle?
146. Write with both hands? well, very well w/ my right, badly w/ my left.
145. Do CPR? I can do it---but I'm technically not certified anymore
144. Wink? um, sort of. Not one my best skills.

:::::I Do (YES)/Do Not (NO) Believe In:::::
143. Santa? No.
142. Love at first sight? Nope.
141. Luck?: No.
140. Fate?: No.
139. God?: Yes
138. Aliens? I guess yes, but not like in X-Files or UFOs.
137. Heaven?: Yes
136. Hell?: No.
135. Ghosts?: No.
134. Horoscopes? Absolutely not.
133. Soulmates?: No.
132. Dinosaurs?: of course.
131. Miracles?: undecided. Not sure.
130. The death penalty? No, but the jail system needs to change first.

:::Which is Better?:::
129. Hugs or Kisses?: a tie.
128. Drunk or High: Drunk
127. phone or online: Phone
126. Red heads or Black hair?: what? I don't really like red-heads. I've had some bad experiences.
125. Mohawk or Mullet?: def Mohawk. Def.
124. hot or cold?: hot.
123. summer or winter? Summer!
122. coffee or tea?: coffee
121. chocolate or vanilla?: Chocolate
120. Night or Day: Day
119. Oranges or Apples: Apples, I don't like peeling the skins.
118. Curly or Straight hair: Straight I guess?
117. Gloves or Mittens? Gloves. I hate mittens.

:::::Here's What I Think About:::::
116. Abortion?: Pro- Choice
115. Backstabbers?: I love them (??--who LIKES backstabbers?)
114. Parents?: in general? They're nice to have. I love mine.
113. Children?: not now, but at some point.
112. Animals?: I want a dog more than most people want food.
111. Leashes for Children?: um, no. sorry we don't live in 18th century Netherlands...
110. School?: I miss school every day. I can't wait to go back.
109. Life?: Is so great. I love mine.
108. Bangs?: yikes, I had them a long time ago, and then proceeded to cut them right off with ghetto elementary school scissors.
107. The name Bernard?: no way.
106. Beer Pong?: love it. :)
105. Alcohol?: I like it. Basically all types. Great fun.
104. PDAs? It's cute some of the time. Other times, I want to barf.

::::Last time I:::
103. Made out? March 18th
102. Hugged someone: this morning, the receptionist Donna
101. Saw someone I haven't seen in a while? I guess MLW people---this weekend. But I actually feel like I see them all the time.
100. Missed someone? My sister. She was in California last week.
99. grew?: physically it's been a while. Emotionally, like every friggin second.
98. Drew a smiley face? On paper? Can't remember, on the computer? Today probably.
97. Ate something?: like 15 minutes ago---an apple
96. Took a shower? This morning
95. Tripped over something? Um---on Friday at work I tripped over nothing and my friend Tom saw me and laughted
95. went out to dinner? with Becca and Jess two weekends ago
94. Saw a play or movie? Watched a movie last night with Jess
93. Read a book? Last week.
92. Traveled? This weekend, to Ocean City
91. Filled out a survey?: worst question ever.

::::MISC::::
90. Who's the ditziest person I know: Brigid
89. Who makes you laugh the most: oh…that's hard. abstain.
87. One thing I'm mad about right now is: work related things i refuse to blog about
86. Favorite brand of bottled water: Voss
85. I like to write in this color pen: blue rolling ball
84. The best summer of your life: Summer 2001---last year on swim team, most fun ever @ the pool. Oh right, and MLW.
83. The worst summer of your life: tie beween 1999 and 2003. In 1999 I chipped my tooth and got into a car accident resulting in suspension of my driving. In 2003 I was taking summer classes, coaching and doing MLW, I got a really bad eye infection and it blew.
82. The thing I don't understand is: how people can be so closed-minded
81. Your favorite theme park: Kings Dominion
80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received: Sure. *I hate when people say this. It's so non-committal*
79. The one thing I love about the opposite sex is: er…ONE thing?
78. Sometimes I wish: it was cool for girls to wear ties.
77. I would never: wear a mask
76. This summer I am: working and doing MLW and going to Carolyn's wedding.
75. Something I will really miss when I leave home is: already left home---the piano.
74. The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: seeing my sister and nephews next week!
73. Tomorrow: work and maybe a date. :)
72. Today: woke up, showered, drank coffee, am at work currently doing work things.
71. Next Summer: still working and being in NYC, doing MLW probably.
70. Next Week: will be another fun and great week.
69. This Weekend: I get to dye eggs and pig out on candy with my nephews!
68. Next Weekend: my sister is coming to VISIT!!
67. People call me: Lauren, Elle, Hanson, Slapshot, LH, L-Dogg, L-Dizz
66. The last thing I bought was: a snow globe for my chiropractor
65. My favorite place to shop is: the Gap.
64. In my wallet I carry: no cash, DL, debit card, metro card, health care cards
63. The person who I last dated was: what qualifies as "dated"??
62. The person who knows the most about me is? All of 008, Jess Pov. Courtney, my sister.
61. The person that can read me the best is: "read me"? I think my mom
60. The most difficult thing to do is: wake up early to go running. My mind says yes, my body says no.
59. I have gotten a speeding ticket: NEVER!!! HAHAHAHAHA!
58. My worst car accident: um---the one I was in with Carolyn (sorry CK)
57. Something about my sibling: she is amazing and I'm so lucky to have her around. :)
56. My zodiac sign is: Capricorn
55. The first person I thought I was in love with is: Andrew Fremming, in 3rd grade.
54. Was it love?: playground crush.
53. The one person who can't hide things from me: no one. I'm so clueless sometimes.
52. The age you were right now: the age I am now. can't really do anything about this one huh?
51. Right now I am talking to: No one.
50. I wish I were talking to: my sister or someone cool like my girls.
49. Something I'd like to be doing right now: going outside running/sleeping
48. I have/will get a job at: a secret. I don't want my identity revealed or cause problems here.
47. I have these pets: none...
46. I hope: that I am always happy and always have blonde hair.
45. The worst sound in the world: that scared kid cry…the terrified one.
44. The person who makes me cry the most: I guess in my whole life it was stupid Dave. He's SO not worth crying over anymore.
43. Last time you cried: can't remember, which is really shocking.
42. Why?: can't remember--again, shocking.
41. Favorite Food: cupcakes
40. Favorite Breakfast: bacon, egg on a toasted sesame bagel
39. Favorite Lunch Food: a great salad w/yummy stuff in it.
38. Favorite Dinner Food: pasta
37. Favorite Dessert: cupcakes
36. Favorite Drink: alcoholic? Tanquerray and Tonic. Non-alcoholic: water
35. florida or hawaii: Hawaii---I have a thing against Florida.
34. North Pole or South Pole: North! I'll be close to the homeland.
33. My favorite piece of clothing is (are): my jeans that are at the denim doctor now getting the ass fixed.
32. My favorite sport to play is: running??
31. My favorite sport to watch is: basketball
30. My favorite sports figure is: MJ
29. My favorite TV show is: Veronica Mars
28. The school I go to is: the school of Hard Knocks. (sike---none)
27. Last person I got mad at was: a secret.
26. My worst drinking experience was? I really don’t want to talk about this.
25. All-time best song: can't do it.
24. All-time best band: Green Day.
23. All-time best painting: oh, this is hard--Annunciation by Sandro Botticelli
22. The all-time best movie: The Goonies
21. The all-time best thing in the world is: cupcakes
20. The all-time best outside game: freeze tag or sardines
19. The most annoying thing ever is: stupid people
18. The most annoying person you know is: why would I write the answer to this?!
17. I lose all respect for people who: people that don't listen.
16. The movies I have cried at are: every single one.
15. I have a scar from the time I: fell off my bike on my way to ballet when I was in 6th grade. I also have a dent in my leg from when I was in a serious bike accident on colesville rd (see any trends here?)
14. The last time I skinned my knees was: in previously mentioned bike accident.
13. My hidden talent: I don't have an hidden talents. I feel like all mine are exposed.
12. I have a craving for: cupcakes
11. The worst pain I was ever in was: when I got hit by a bike and was knocked out and then had two black eyes.
10. My favorite quote: "life is too short."
9. My room is: perfect.
8. I love: cupcakes, my family, and my friends
7. I hate: being in the middle
6. My life: really fulfilling and happy
5. My weakness is: cupcakes and the Gap.
4. What I look for in the opposite sex: good teeth, nice eyes.
3. Who broke your heart: a few people, most recently Dave but he blows a nut so I don't care anymore.
2. I filled out 200 questions because: I'm bored at work.
1. name the "ONE" person you trust the most: my mom.

Ocean City and Back-Cracker

As promised, a good blog entry follows. I have been unmotivated to write in my blog although----it's not because no blog-worthy things happened to me. I'd like to think the most exciting thing that happened to me was a bit more progress with respect to my chiropractor.

*As a sidebar, got help me if by accident I ever let it slip that I have a blog, b/c then ultimately he's going to read it and go to it and then I'll feel embarrassed b/c like half of these entries are about him and how I'm in love with him. Let's hope that just doesn't happen. *

So anyway, we have been emailing. Still at this point I wasn't 100% convinced that he maybe liked me--you know, outside of being the coolest patient ever---but on Friday we were emailing back and forth all day. It was normal everyday banter I guess. I asked him what he was doing this weekend---he told me since the weather was going to be crappy that he wanted to go see a movie. I gave him a list of movies I like only then he responded that he wanted to go see a movie in a theatre. So I gave him ANOTHER list of movies that I would go see if I could afford to go to a movie. I told him I wanted to see Ice Age 2. And anyway...it sort of was like "Hey, want to go to a movie with me?" But----I'm too dumb to notice that maybe he was trying to ask me out without actually doing so. I'm officially positive that he can't ask me out or something b/c of his being my doctor and everything, even though he's not like my physician but still. So---I wrote back to his last email being like. "you know, if I wasn't going away this weekend I'd go see a movie with you." He wrote back and wanted me to bring him something from my trip. So I did. I bought him a snow globe with Washington DC in it. I was going to buy him something from Ocean City but I forgot. Anyway---I see him Wednesdsay and we'll see how things go. :)


MLW Weekend:
It was fun overall. The meeting was long but really productive on Saturday. We went out to dinner at Harpoon Hanna's and I pigged out on crabs. Delish. It was surprising b/c we didn't stay up MLW-style late. We were all so tired, I think I was in bed at around 1. It was a discrace to the MLW legend.

Some highlights:

1. driving down w/ Annabelle and Dustin
2. making fun/throwing things at Ron
3. eating Ledo's pizza
4. the productive meeting
5. returning Jason's shorts to Mary Alex
6. eating crabs
7. talking to Marcy
8. driving home and funding out secrets w/ Annabelle and Dustin

In other news:

• I need a haircut really badly, my hair is starting to look like a horses tail. :) Beth, tomorrow at VMars party can you braid my hair like you did last week? I want to wear it to work on Wednesday and see how many people mistake me for Heidi.
• Also I just recently found out that Dave is like moving to Switzerland or wherever to probably marry this biatch Marie who he dumped me for. Stupid bitch and stupid Dave. I hope he gets divorced. I'm suprisingly not AS upset as I thought I'd be---but it was sort of annoying that I had to find out about it. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to exes.

SHOUT OUTS:

Annabelle: Thanks for finally reading my blog. I had a good time seeing/hanging out with you this weekend.

Dustin: thanks for laughing at my jokes and telling me things

Ron: thanks for being an easy target for jokes and pranks

Mary Alex: sorry BC lost the hockey game against the Badgers, though I like Wisconsin a lot too.

Mom: for making me food to I don't starve to death and for cleaning my vest that was disgusting.

Susannah and Isabel: for being faithful readers of this blog. I promise to update it more frequently with more interesting/funny stories. :)

Smile, it's a 4-day week!

Love,

Lauren

Look forward to...

An entry about the following things tomorrow:
1. my chiropractor
2. beach weekend w/MLW
3. shout outs
4. other news

thanks for reading everyone!

Love,
Lauren

GC and Becca

Last night when I was at Beth's watching VMars----I had a celebrity sighting.

We saw George Clooney. It was amazing. He walked right by us on the way to the set where they are filming this new movie (duh, it's obviously new since they are filming it still). It was glorious.

I'm now going to answer some questions that undoubtedly you all have:
1. Is he hot in person?: yes. hot, very hot.
2. Is he short?: no, normal hot size
3. did he talk to you?: No, but I did hear his say "thanks" after some biatch took a flash photo right in his face.
*4. Did he make out with you?: Yes he did, right before he walked onto the set.
*5. Is he a good kisser?: Yes. he is.
*6. Are you his girlfriend?: Why yes, I am.

Ok, so Becca I'm sorry I didn't mention how fun it was when you came up on Friday. The reason I didn't mention it was b/c the rest of my weekend was usurped by MLW and I couldn't escape it. So it was at the forefront of my mind. I apologize. I also had fun eating pizza, drinking and sharing a bed with you. :)

I hope you were thoroughly embarrased at the bus station when Jess and I came to pick you up. :) I hope we can hang out again soon.

Love always,

Lauren

*denotes questions where the answer is false.

Cumberland and Flight

I went to Cumberland with Ron this weekend for the Maryland Middle School Association. I wanted to give you some highlights:

• driving down (read: a really long ride to Cumberland) with Ron and listening to 80s rap (this is a given)
• teaching a class to 12 people, one wouldn't stop talking, one kept typing on his laptop, one was stupid, and one was cute but didn't talk to me. Overall, it was a good class though, we have some things to tweak so----it should be better next time.
• pigging out in the hotel restaurant (twice)
• taking a KILLER nap. So killer that we missed the "mashed potato" bar. wtf?
• waking up and watching "Evolutions" or whatever that movie with Kate Beckensdale is that just came out with a sequel that was probably just as bad as this one.
• OK: Ron and I decided to go try and find some booze----of course it's Sunday night and we aren't expecting anything to be open in Cumberland. We have to drive across the border into West Virginia. We drive way too far, we are in like bumblefuck West VA. totally lost. We finally call the bitch Candi at the hotel who gave us the wrong directions in the first place. We have to turn around and then after like 45 minutes of driving----we finally find this place: Blankenships. Miraculously, it's still open. At one point, Ron was convinced we were driving on a railroad track and he told me to "keep my eyes open". We, in fact, were not driving on a railroad track.
• We pull up to Blankenships. Ron starts freaking out about they are going to like shoot us since we are in hick country and we look like an "interracial couple." This comment, of course sent me into hysterics and I could barely walk.
• We go over to the beer freezer and found nothing really that good. We got Killians. And then we got some Mike's Hard Lemonade. I realized now why I don't like it. It tastes horrible and has like no alcohol in it. Ron walked over to the wine area. This area consisted of a wine rack with like two types of wine.
• Ron asked if they had a corkscrew---we couldn't buy wine without one----but then she said we have twist off wine. (of course this place has twist off wine) I winced and saw that it was some fruity looking white zinfandel which made me gag. Ron asked if she knew which were good. She says, don't get that one (pointing to the kind with the corkscrew) "it tastes like ass". She actually said that. Of course, Ron is stifiling a laugh and I'm laughing out loud. We buy two bottles and some snacks.
• Then as we are getting rung up she goes, "let me know how you like it." As if we are ever going to return to the Cumberland/WVA border and shop for beer.
• We spent the rest of the night drinking and watching South Park.
• Monday was pretty boring standing at the booth----then we drove home and I took a nap.

BUT THEN.....my dad drove me to the metro station so I could catch my flight back to NYC. As we were driving the sky started to get really dark and ominous. Then it started to lightly rain. By the time we were at Takoma Park it was hailing and freezing. I got to the airport to learn that my 9pm flight was taking off at 10----ok, not bad.

Sike---what they REALLY meant was----Oh, the plane you are supposed to fly back to New York on is actually still in Boston unable to take off and get here b/c there is like a tornado on the east coast. I finally took off at 12:30pm and arrived in NYC a hour or so later. I didn't get to bed until 2pm. I have to wake up four hours later and be on point for work. uh----it was a rough morning. I'm managing.

I ate a crab cake this weekend. :)

Thanks to Carolyn and Darren for understanding my blog hiatus and for also recognizing my fame.

Happy Tuesday!

Love,

Lauren