New Links and Date

God! I just woke up practically. I was passed out on the bus and until just now pretty much now that I've down more than half of my ginormous coffee. I don't know what's wrong. I actually think my life is finally catching up with me. I think I MAY have overcommitted this summer. It also doesn't help that I try and not sacrifice fun for sleep. I mean, like if short right? That's what I think although right now I wish I was in my bed passed out.

I added a few links to my blog that I wanted to speak about quickly.

The Letter D: This guy is Hilarious. He's from Michigan and his blog rules. Check out the most recent with the kids of famous people.

The Sneeze: If you want to get into trouble at work b/c you are laughing so rockusly that people are getting annoyed, they CHECK IT OUT!! Seriously, any description I may attempt to give won't do the site justice. You have to trust Steve and read it!

I had a really weird dream last night. I had a dream that I was taking a dump and I was prego and then I had the kid. It was a boy and I named it although I can't remember what exactly I named it. Then I had to learn how to breast feed and that there were rats all over the place. It was so strange. But the kid was cute. Hopefully that's an indication of SOMETHING in the future, not the dump or the rats part.

For all you youngin's out there that think that drama goes away once you get older----it doesn't! There is so much drama here at work it's unbelieveable. I can't deal with it. One day I'll run a business and run the most kick ass thing you'd ever believe. Man, I think I'd be a good manager. The girl I hate at work is wearing a pink lacoste polo today----another non-work appropriate outfit. I loathe her.

Last night I had to go to this work meeting on the west side at our main office and then I met Jess for our date: which consisted of us chowing down on Ethopian food and seeing the Da Vinci Code. When we walked into the restaurant, it smelled horrific. Let me try and decribe it: like a dirty basement that used to have old like indian food in it and dirty feet smell. That didn't deter us though---we sat down and ordered a whole assortment of vegetarian stuff and this chicken thing that was bangin'. The only other time I'd had Ethopian food was in Building Bridges in high school when we were having this like cultural smorgasbord and everyone had to bring in something from their homeland/culture. A food that is. I liked in then, so I was thinking I would like it now---I was right. It was really good and plus, I like dipping things.

Then we walked over to the movie theatre that is like---20 stories high. It was a good movie. I liked it. They left out stuff of course but overall I really liked it. Who wants to see X3 with me? I think no one really. Maybe I'll go by myself. :)

I need to reiterate how cute/hot the boys I sit next to are. Seriously. They are all so hot. It is just a disaster for me when I try and concentrate on work. AH..........

Today I'm pretty busy. Lots of things to do. I should go and do them. Start thinking about what I should have for lunch today.

Love,
Lauren

Memorial Day Weekend

So I think I have a lot to write about as there was a long weekend and in the usual SimplyLauren fashion, I was busy the entire time.

I arrived Friday night---on time, which was a miracle. Not after I saw an old delegate on the bus to LaGuardia and then made friends with two adorable Dominican girls sitting next to me. They were my friends the entire 20 minute ride to the airport.

I hung out with Jared on Friday night, good times. We watched War of the Worlds (read: stupid and not scary and REALLY unrealiastic) and the Ring 2. The only person in the whole world who ACTUALLY understands how scary the first Ring was for me is Beth. She was sitting next to me as I was asking for death as the fear was too great for me to handle. I swore that I would never watch any other movies after Ring. But for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to watch this sequel. The Ring 2 wasn't scary at all, except for maybe a few select parts with Samarra. There is this part where she is climbing up the well after Naomi Watts and it's freakishly scary. There is also this part where Aidan is in the bathroom taking a picture of the mirror and Samarra is like right behind him slowly creeping up on him. Aidan is weird again in this movie, although not as possessed, like he was in the first. You learn a lot more about Samarra and how she is a loser who lives in a well and never died.
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Saturday, Family Fun:
The real fun times began as the family BBQ began on Saturday afternoon as the troops arrived.
We ate and ate and ate. And played in the sprinkler, which was a blast. I layed out on my deck and my nephews played without broken water fountain sprayed water all over the place. Had a BBQ---it was delicious, bust seriously, whenever they come over my mom thinks it's appropriate to stuff us all like pigs. Nephews are mad cute as usual. Berk did his Wallace impression by stuffing grapes into his cheeks to spread them out so you can see all his teeth like Wallace's actually look and then says in a high voice, "Grommit, pass the crackers and cheese..." SO HILARIOUS.

Bora told another knock knock joke and a story that was really funny. Let me explain.
Bora was descirbing these twins in his class and how they have deformity (gotta love deformities).

Bora: Trianna and Mark have six fingers.
Me: No way (busting out laughing)
Bora: Yes, they do! But they had surgery and they got cut off.
Me: Can you tell they used to have a finger there?
Bora: Yeah, now they have like two pimples next to their pinky.
Me: They BOTH have it? Both of the twins?
Bora: Yeah! Seriously! It's like THIS big! (motioning to a pimple as big as a pea)
Me: (hysterically laughing at their misfortune...)

And now for two jokes, a-la Bora:

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Apple.
Apple who?
Apple ate the pizza.

and...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Keyon
who?
Keyon is my best friend.

Later on that evening I hung out with Becca who was home from Philly for the weekend, quite a bit. On Saturday night after the family BBQ, we went over to Blockbuster in White Oak to get some movies to watch. It was taking us a long time to pick out movies. We were in the comedy section and I saw the movie "Pumpkin" with Christina Ricci.

Me: Oh, this movie is funny.
Becca: Why? What's it about?
Me: Christina Ricci starts to like hook up with this retarded kid in her school.
Becca: Lauren, you can't say retarded.
Me: No, he actually was, I wasn't just saying that.
Becca: But you aren't supposed to call people that. I'm pretty sure there is another word for it.
Me: What is the other word?
Becca: I dunno, maybe "challenged"
Me: No, you can say retarded. I promise. And I'm definately writing about this in my blog on Tuesday.

Later on that night when we were watching "Something New", which is about the challenges that interracial couples. Then Becca started to explain what characteristics in a man would be a "deal-breaker" for her. This pretty much was a soliloquy on Becca's part.

Becca: Yeah, well at least she doesnt have to like walk behind him wearing a Burka or something. I think that would be a deal breaker for me.
Me: You mean, having to wear a burka in public?
Becca: Yeah, don't you think?
Me: Um, yes. Clearly. Again, I'm writing about this in my blog.
______________________________________-

Earlier when we were in DTSS (Downtown Silver Spring) going wedding dress shopping, by that I mean, shopping for a dress I can wear at Caroln's wedding. There was nothing really on sale or overly cute that I wanted to get so we headed over to Ulta. I needed some new sunglasses because I had lost/left mine somewhere indeterminate. Good thing there wasn't any that I liked at the store b/c I found mine the next day at Ron's house. I was so happy that I'd gone more than one summer without losing my sunglasses. I also purchased some really cute nail polish and that Neutrogena "Build-a-tan" since I'm not building jack shit of a tan working in an office all day every day. As we were heading up the stairs back to the car, guess who I saw?

dum dum dum...

CLEMON!!!!!

It was so exciting. He looks all grown up and I was like---elated to see him and I probably was jabbering out of my mind. He asked who I still kept in touch with and I told him all the CAP people. He said he's working in VA, or something, I actually can't remember what he said. It was sort of a blur.

So that was my exciting Silver Spring sighting.

We went back to Becca's and watched "Something New" and part of "Transamerica" but I was too tired to finish and so I drove home before it was over.

Sunday: All MLW, All the Time.
You can pretty much say that from waking till sleep I was doing something MLW related. There was first new staff day with the cute new staff and then a bit of the dolphin dance, and then the returning staff piled in for an afternoon meeting. Team leader bowling while watching Lord of the Rings and dancing to like late 90s music wearing cool bowling shoes and then me wanting to gauge my eye out b/c my contact was acting up again. Mike and I returned to Ron's house to make visuals in his basement. It was joy over joy. Just kidding. It was fun although I was spent at the end of it all.

I drove out to Clarendon to say bye to Andy and Ashley as they move to LA to actually live together as a married couple. It was sad but I had a good time shooting the shit with Andy and JB, Noelle, and Charlie. It was fun, I was so exhausted though. I got lost on my way home from Arlington, shocking that is...I ALWAYS get off on the wrong highway and get all tangled up in the downtown or end up somewhere I don't want to be. Sunday night was a case of taking the longest way possible back to Silver Spring. I ended up somehow getting on 295 and then eventually getting on 95 North, but it was the wrong way along the beltway, it was like---going around the PG county way. I have nothing against PG county, but some parts are legitimately sketchy. I was watching the gas gauge carefully and it was hovering above empty. I NEEDED to stop and get gas. I got off at an exit that looked "ok" and "populated". Yeah, it was populated with sketchy people blasting "Poppin' Time" over and over. Anyway, I shoved the 20 at the man and ran and pumped my gas. It actually ended up being fine and only a few cat calls from a man who I'm sure had never seen a white girl before. It took me over an hour to get home. It took me 35 minutes to get there. So annoying. I hate driving to Northern VA. Yeah, NOVA sucks.

Monday--NWB:
Woke up reatively early to go to breakfast at the Stewarts. It was so delicious. :) Thanks! Then we went to the pool for the swim team meeting, which consisted of me talking with parents and kids from years back and straight chillin'. Then Jess and I got slurpees and I went home to grab my suit. Becca and I went to the pool right after and layed out. It was nice to get some color. And if my color, I mean a bit sunburned, in the straight Lauren tradition. God! My face is tan though, it's just my chest and my inner thighs (yeah, don't ask). So---whatever. The water was cold, but it felt so good after sweating my ass off in the sun for an hour. Then went drove over to Santucci's to get a sandwich only to discover that they were closed. We went to Beks house so she could change and that we could look up movie times. Then I went home and changed. We ended up seeing Mission Impossible 3. I know, I hate Tom Cruise. I even vowed that I wouldn't seen any more of his movies, a rule that I broke twice this weekend between this at War of the Worlds. I don't care. I like action movies and seeing TC almost die like 10 times was pleasurable for me. He's good at those roles. Don't get me wrong, he's psychotic. But, he's good at being Ethan Hunt. Then we rushed home b/c I was supposed to catch a flight. On my phone though was a VM from Nicky and Mrs. Stewart saying I should come to the pool for a BBQ. I pushed my flight until 9 and then ran over there to join in on the fun. I met Nick's girlfriend Claire who is mad cool and hung out with the Wooters et al. . Then I flew home.

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Fun Solution Tid-Bit for the Day--brought to you by Lindsey!

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately. Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, wild animals attacking humans in Florida.
Not me. I concentrate on solutions to problems. The result is a win-win-win situation:

+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border
+ Use the dirt to raise the levies in New Orleans
+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat
*************************************

Happy Mon--sike Tuesday!
Love,
Lauren

Shout Outs:
JB: for our conversation on Sunday night and being the best ever.
Noelle: Good luck in Africa. I'll miss your company this summer!
Andy: Have a safe flight with Ashley. Keep in touch!
Jaxx/Dustin/TL: it's going to be too tight for McDaniel this summer. I can't wait.
the fam: thanks for the bangin' BBQ on Saturday and fun in the backyard. Love you all!
Navin: Sorry about the other weekend when you called when you were in NY. I was in Philly and I'm sorry I never called you back.
Nick: So good seeing you this weekend. :)
Jared: Had a blast Friday night. See you soon. ;)

Banquet and BNB

Today is weird. I'm having a fat day. Fuck, I'm having a fat week and it's annoying. I've also been busy every single night with something so going to the gym has been somewhat impossible for me. Not that I necessarily would have wanted to go to the gym even if I did have time, but it's nice to genuinely be able to blame NOT going on something legit. Uh. Swimsuit season. Gotta love it and gotta hate it at the same time. Whatever I have no will power to diet---I could NEVER be anorexic.

Last night was quite eventful. I left work right at 5 to rush up to Harlem, there was an end of the year banquet for the kids up at the center (Boys and Girls Club). They get awards and special people are recognized and everything. I had to get up and present awards for the kids in my class. They were all so cute all dressed up and everything. Anyway, I was there all night practically. I got on the phone, chatted with Leah for like an hour and then...

...finished watching Bad News Bears. No, not the one from 1976 that I normally watch weekly, the new one with Billy Bob Thornton. I have to say, I prefer the original. I think that they did a good job with the remake. Yes, it was a good movie but I'd much rather watch Walter Mathau deal with the crazy 70s kids. Greg Kinnear is also a great actor and he also does a super job in the flick. So to be honest, I was really excited about seeing it and being able to compare it to the first one, but in fact, the first one clearly outranks it. (sorry about the lack of antecedent clarity, but it's early and I don't feel like being too cognizant of such things).

This weekend is going to be nuts---i'll write about it tomorrow.

Oh---I forgot to tell you! So, Britt convinced me that I should sign up for this thing called Focus Pointe where you take these survey's every once and a while and then if you are lucky, they pick you to come in for a focus group and talk about TV for like two hours. They pay you like 75-100 or more bucks to participate. I FINALLY got picked! Tonight I'm going to talk about TV (since i watch SO much) and I get paid 100 buckaroos! I'm really excited about it. If any of you want to try it, or want me to forward you the email, let me know.

OK, back to work.

Love,
Lauren

P.S Leah and Beth---have safe trips to Cali!

Worksheets and Resurfacing

Good morning all!

Since the last time we touched base a few "exciting" things have happened to me I guess. Monday night was my job training program for my kids up in Harlem. Always a joy to top off my work day with crazy kids from the hood. Don't get the wrong idea, I love them and recently our classes have become quite animated. On Monday night we talked about the types of questions that interviewers might ask and also important things to remember before the interview and also the importance of asking questions back to the interviewer. Then we started talking about how to dress (this is where things got interesting). I have these worksheets that I use solely for the purpose of laughter and making a point.

There are four sheets that I hand out to demonstrate what not to wear, as they say. The first is a man dressed badly and it's titled "Dressed to Fail: Men". The man looks like an 80's rocker. He is carrying a boom box, his tie is hanging out of his wrinkled-ass dress shirt, he has a nose ring, he's wearing sneakers and his hair is long and mangled. Picture a white Will Smith with long hair in place of a high top fade and you got it. It is hilarious. The kids were obsessed with making fun of him. There is a female counterpart to the male drawing that is probably even more ridiculous than the former. When the kids flipped the page to examine the what one would, "Dress to Fail: Women", they all busted out laughing and said that she looked like a prostitute. They had hit it right on the ball. She was wearing tons of 80s makeup carrying this big bulky bag. Wearing a really low cute shirt, open toed shoes, and a short skirt with fighnets and her slip was showing. Anyway, they were howling with laughter. Remind me to show anyone who cares the pictures.

Ah well---I thought I was in the clear with the critters but last night when I was taking out my trash, a little mouse scurried out of the bag ONTO MY HAND and then over under the cabinet. It was such a joy. Sike. I know you all are probably like, "Wow, Lauren really is being abnormally calm about this whole situation." It's true. I know it came back (read: possibly never left) because I didn't take the trash out before I went to philly for the weekend. I seriously haven't seen one since that first time. I don't care so much. At first, after I washed my entired arm for about 10 minutes straight for fear of getting rabies or something. I started to not care so much about it. As long as I'm cognizant about cleaning up and taking out the trash, I bet I won't see one again. It's not like I have some sort of infestation where all my boxes are like chewed through and there are mouse droppings all over the place. Plus, I'm sure he'll move out soon once he realizes that there is jack shit in my house to eat.

Observation: There is this woman I work with sort of. She sits close to me on the desk and like she literally is like 43 or something, maybe 45. She has a big booty (which is fine) and a litte (read: big) stomach. Again, those aren't my issues. She dresses like strangely. She often wears short flowy skirts which don't exactly compliment her body shape because since she has such a big booty--the back of the skirt rides up and looks trashy. She also wears really right shirts, like all the cotton ones I have from Gap, she wears those with her "springy/flowy" skirts. It's strange. She's also from Louisiana and her sister with 10 kids homeschools them and they are bible thumpers, shocking huh?

I have a stye. Why do I always get like messed up things in my eyes!? My contacts always start hurting randomly, they are dry, I get pink eye like the common cold, and now styes! What is going on? My gut instinct is to blame it on rabies or something, but I don't think that's the real reason I have a stye.

Last night I went to a lecture on Caravaggio at the Met. I sign up for these things ocassionally to me educated in the art field, especially when they are about an artist that I really like---such as Caravaggio. The lecture was only OK. The woman didn't show slides until the very end, at which point I realized she wasn't even really an art historian, but a novelist. Any art historian would know that you have to show slides throughout to not only keep interest but to provide a basis of reference for the viewer in dealing with the material being talked about. I'm glad I went, but I could have done a better job. :)

I seriously need to get started on my daily work.

Love,
Lauren

P.S I'm in MD this weekend for MLW/family stuff, so give a holla' if you want to hang out!

Philly and Baby Names

There were so many interesting things that happened to me this weekend while I was in Philly. I had a really nice relaxing/de-tox weekend down there at Court's house.

Softball Training
So I mentioned to LC that I was playing softball for my company. I also told her that I was nervous, because the competition is fierce and I was afraid that I was going to mess up and stuff. :) She took me out to the backyard and we were practicing like crazy. She was grounding balls every five seconds and giving me tons of pop-flies.

Then we practiced batting: So, she had me stand and she was showing me how to hold my body and my feet. So anyway, I kept following through like a golf swing and she got so annoyed at me that she just started yelling, "GOLF, GOLF!" everytime it looked like I was going to swing wrong. It was great. I hit some bangin' line drives and some nice ones to left field (read: the bushes). I woke up on Sunday morning like SO SORE from all the practicing we'd done. My forarm, wrist, and upper back were all like so tight. Yikes! I think I'm going to the batting cages this week though.

Justin is Court's youngest son, he's 4. He talks like he's 9 but he is absolutely adorable. His little facs is so cute. :) So, we were about to watch the Preakness and right before there was this baseball update saying that Barry Bonds had just broken Babe Ruth's 714 record of homers in a season.

Justin: Babe Ruth, he died right?
Me: Yeah, a long time ago. He was a famous baseball player a long time ago.
Justin: Yeah, I thought so.

*10 second pause*

Justin: Dang! I really wanted to get his autograph!
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I had to get Justin ready for church soon after that. Steve told me to help him get on his shoes. So of course, we both run upstairs and we are looking in his closet for church shoes.

Me: So Justin, let's find som church shoes, hurry up ok?
Justin: Ok---(picks up this like brown worn hiking boot, though I was thinking more along the line of some sort of loafers)---these are kind of like church shoes.
Me: (Looking at boot) Perfect, they'll have to do. We need socks! where are they?
Justin: The socks live over there. (He grabs some that are totally not matching. But I don't care.)

*after church when Jessie is over.*

Court: (Looks down at Justin's boots) Way to go on the church shoes Lauren. Going strong.
Jessie: Laughs hysterically for like 30 minutes.
Me: Well---he chose them, the looked alright to me.

*me= embarrassed for the rest of the night about his shoes*
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My boss is funny. First of all---he's a horrible story teller. He stops too long in between sentences and everything like for suspense and like---as if you are so interested in what he's saying. All of his stories are 100% about like how great he is or some "really cool" thing he did. It's quite pathetic actually. He just told me this story about he went golfing with Yogi Berra and how Yogi asked him a question about his shot. My boss was like, "It's so ironic that I use to watch Yogi on TV and how he's asking me about golf." It wasn't cute or endearing. It was just like---annoying since he does it all the time.

Random:
So, as many of you know. I'm totally obsessed with Harry Potter. Like, seriously obsessed. I'm everything minus fan fiction. I have been also obsessing over this website where you can like put in names and see how popular they are. But, see----I'm fascinated with the names that JK puts in the books. So---I want to name my daughter Bellatrix. I think it is SUCH a cool name. One TINY problem is that the character with that name in the books is really really evil and a horrible person. But---I'm hoping we can get past that one. Additionally, if it doesn't work out---I'll just name my dog that.

So----since this entry has some funny kid things---I just got off the phone with my sister and she was telling me what she did this weekend and everything. Yesterday my nephew Berk was in the kitchen asking for "a punch" and that he wanted "punches". My sister had no idea what he was talking about until he pointed at the nectarines and said, "a punch." He was associating nectarines with PEACHES and he messed up the word. Aw.

Also---my sister just sent me an email saying that after I got off the phone with her Berk was putting in a movie and she asked which one it was and he said, "Peter butter Pan." Poor little guy. Getting food and movies mixed together. It is kind of like the time he wanted "chicken little soup" for lunch.

Cheers!
Love,
Lauren

P.S Jess---sorry about DVC---I got home so late and to be honest, I totally forgot about it until like this morning. :( If you already saw it I totally understand! :)

Tranny and Norway

I'm actually finally starting to wake up, despite having woken up about 2.5 hours ago. I think it's the fresh office air, the coffee pulsing through my veins and the fact that it is Friday. Before I start, I want to take a shot in the dark:

Dave, if you read this site, can you please return my "Norway Jose" t-shirt. I want it back. I gave all your crap back so it would be great if you could return the favor.

Wow. Like I'm ever going to get my shirt back.

So---I am going to Philly this weekend. I was supposed to pack and bring my back into work blah blah...but, I really didn't have energy or time to do that last night. My apt. is in such disarray. It's actually very unlike me to keep such a messy apartment. Even Jessica commented on how horrible it looked.* I'm going to ask Mike if I can leave for lunch and go and pack and then bring the suitcase back or something so I ultimately CAN leave from work. I think that should be fine.

Jess and I went to HH last night at this place in Murray Hill that used to be called "Back Porch" but not it's some cantina mexican place. It's cool. We got cheap margaritas and free chips and salsa, that we subsequently pigged out on and later on we were paying. So---we were having a grand old time until this frea tranny/man/woman came and sat down next to us. Her/his name was Liz and she was stupid and annoying. She/he kept claiming that she owned a steakhouse in Brooklyn and that she wanted us to dance at the bar and that "there weren't guys in the bar". That hips don't lie song came on and she was like making love to the bar. By the way she was heinous---and a freak. She kept interrupting our conversation but then being like, "oh, sorry i'm in your business." Then stop BEING in our business?! I hated her. Thankfully Jess and I were so stuffed from all those chips we pigged out on that we left. We walked all the way up to mi casa to meet Katie Erno. She came over and we shot the shit for a few hours. Then I dropped off my videos and BBuster and then walked Jess to the subway.


Joke of the Day
by Bora

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Tiger
Tiger who?
Tiger the circus.

Thanks Bora for that enlightening, unfunny, and clearly made up joke. Love ya!

*this is a lie. I forced this comment out of her and even after that she said, "I guess, for you, it's sort of messy."

I joined the Sons of Norway. Don't make any smart ass comments about how I'm a girl/daughter of Norway. I know and it's just the name of the club ok? Don't be jealous that I get to eat pickled herring with other blonde bombshells.

WHO STOLE MY TRAVEL BENNETTON CUTE BLACK BAG? GIVE IT BACK. STOP TRYING TO FRONT.

Have a Fantastic Friday!

Love,
Lauren

P.S Jessica, the rat was in a cage. And surprisingly, she didn't look like a lunatic. :) It wasn't even like a gross street rat, it was a "cute" brown and white one.

Not Introspective

I was GOING to write something introspective today, but I was really busy. I'll try again tomorrow.

How is everyone?

I'm going running and then I'm going to clean.

Becca, I'm going to be in Philly this weekend. Not sure what my schedule looks like---maybe we can try and see eachother?!

Susannah, I know you are out of town. Don't forget to look for your mitt.

Oh wait, Becca--do YOU have a softball mitt I can borrow for my softball season?

bye now.

Love,
Lauren

Weekend and Conjunctiva

Happy Syttende Mai! (Norwegian Independence Day!)
I came to work wearing red and blue face paint in the color of the flag.



*Sike*

Sorry I'm a slacker. I rarely have motivation to write on Monday and I was out yesterday with pink eye so I wasn't at work. Man---so I'm sorry.

I saw a rat last night on the subway tracks. I'm starting to see a pattern in where I actually see the rats in my Urabn Solitare. It's like mostly on the 6 tracks, especially around 59th street. I pretty much always see them on the 6 train. I also----saw like 71280378201 rats hanging out in some trashcans on my walk home from the subway last night. I hate rats. They are gross. But sometimes they look cute digging and sniffing around on the tracks.

AND---I saw a woman with a pet rat on the subway on Monday. It was like Urban Solitaire overload this week. Gosh!

This weekend was pretty fun. Leah was in town for Lindsay's birthday. Friday night we went to this bar on the west side--Jake's Dilemma. It was super fun. I got super drunk. Ted was there. Brian was there and it was just a blast. The pictures from that night are HILARIOUS. Leah and I somehow managed to get into a cab and come home, pig out on pizza we apparently bought from the spanish guy across the street. I was speaking spanish the entire time we were ordering. We both passed out.

I wake up at 5am and Leah isn't in the bed with me---I got into the bathroom expecting to see her sprawled on the bath mat, but she isn't there. She is lying face down, with all her clothes on---on my couch. I just leave here there like a good friend and go back to sleep. We wake up several hours later to the freezer man---ringing the buzzer. I wasn't wearing any pants and I was frantically searching around for some pants to put on. It was horrible. I finally find my jeans and slide them on right as he is knocking at the door. I also kick everything under the couch. He comes, "fixes" my freezer and leaves.

*note about the freezer*
IT
IS
NOT
FIXED.

I mean, unless YOUR freezer sounds like a jackhammer when it's on and cooling....my fucking thing is so loud. Ok, so it freezes the food that's in there, but----hello----the freezer wakes me up at night sometimes b/c it is so loud. UH! I totally 100% need a new freezer.

Later that night, Leah, LB and I headed down to Brooklyn to Katie Garfield and Josh's party. It was fun. Also have funny pics from that night.

Sunday---not much. Did BCG work and straight chilled.

This is boring. I apologize. I'll try and be more funny tomorrow.

Don't hate the playa' hate the game.

SHOUT-OUTS
Jess: for letting me hang out last night
LB: i need to give you your nano back. i have it still
Ron: for being such a playa'
Alp: for being a cool as sh** nephew. :)

Love,
Lauren

Grumpy and Skeelo Tribute

It's Friday but to me it doesn't feel like Friday. I woke up at like 5:30am to the sound of my freezer fan grinding like crazy. I pretty much thought that the whole thing was going to explode.

Also I was having sort of a bad day yesterday and it's moving over to today and plus it's raining and some water from a bus got on my pants this morning and that just made me annoyed.

I guess I should be excited b/c tonight is LB's bday bash downtown and Leah is coming and staying w/me. I am excited for that. But just not for anything else.

I did go running yesterday. I'm glad I did, but it was then when I noticed that my effing earphones for my iPod weren't working right. One of them doesn't work. I have to get new earphones. Do you know how much they cost? Yeah---40 effing bucks. I am going to see if they have them for cheaper at like Best Buy or something. WTF? 40 dollars for those ear bud shits? Jesus.

I can't really easily run today b/c it's raining and gross, and Leah is coming so I won't have time anyway. I'll run tomorrow or something, maybe I'll just lift. I'm in the zone for running.

I'm tired and grumpy. I hate today----even though I should love today, b/c it's Friday.

I wish I had my way
'cause every day would be a Friday
and you could even speed on the highway.
I would play ghetto games,
name my kids ghetto names...
Little Mookie, big Al, Lorraine.
Yo you know that's on the real.
So if you're down on your luck
Then you should know just how I feel
Cause if you don't want me around...
See I go simple, I go easy, I go greyhound!

Hey, you, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down
Ahhhh, yes, ain't that fresh?
Everybody wants to get down like that.

So---yesterday I had to go buy shoes. I know, you are like---Lauren, you are poor, why are you buying shoes? But the thing is---I HAVE to, all my work shoes are wearing out. I even have to throw away my cute pink kenneth cole shoes that I bought for my first day at LB back in Philly----the pink is wearing off and it looks trashy----and it's just sad. So, I bought two pairs yesterday and a pretty I bought this cute pair of brown sling backs with these cute tassles and this pair of like nautical shoes that are blue. I LOVE them. Plus, those were only like 30 bucks---on sale baby at Nine West. Now I don't have any money for food! Ha!

Just kidding. Though, I'm low on funds for the next week until I get paid again. I'm laying low this weekend. There is this $35 all you can drink for LBs party tonight and I'm not even sure I should pay 35 bones for that. Which is a shame. I might have to like only have three drinks and call it a night. Still undecided. In Lauren's OLD WAYS, I would have done that in two seconds. But when you pretty much are limiting yourself all around, it's hard to justify $35 bones on a night of drinking when you eat eggs every night or don't eat dinner at all. But again, who knows. Actually, I've decided i'm going to spend the 35 bucks----I mean, it's LBs bday and it's going to be really fun.

Sorry for this depressing entry.

Love,
Lauren

Pre-Post Error Correction

So---I'm an idiot.

I thought that my memory/experience with the checkered cab was with Dave but really it was just with my cousin Amos. GOOD THING I DIDN'T ACTUALLY CALL HIM! I would have felt like SUCH an idiot. Even more than I already do...

Amos, I'm sorry. Don't read into this much. So basically everything about yesterday's blog entry is false regarding the checkered cab other that the fact that I saw it.

A regular post w/out retarded errors and erroneous information coming later.

Much love,
Lauren

Checkered Cab and Roach

So as I was walking to catch the bus home yesterday---I saw a checkered cab. Funny thing about checkered cabs in New York City----you aren't allowed to drive one. All cabs have to be standard bright yellow. So, this reminded me of a story...

When Dave and I were dating, I guess he found this information online or in some article or something. But it was about this really effing old guy who drives around in his checked cab in NYC, mostly on the west side, giving people rides. He doesn't charge anything because he's not allowed to b/c he's driving an illigal non-standard cab. Initially, when Dave sent me the article, I was very skeptical that I would ever see him while in NY. But----last night I did. There was this really really old guy driving a checkered cab and all of his liscence plates were like "Free Rides" and some other stuff about how he won't charge you. In the article Dave gave me, it said that people usually give him a great tip since his cab is so flippin' cool. Now let me move onto the point of the story...

I had this incredible urge to call Dave and just be like, "I just wanted to let you know but I just saw the checkered cab." But, I don't know his phone number or anything, obviously I deleted all the contact information I have for him. I also REALLY don't have an interest in talking to him at all. I don't even want to like hear his voice. BUt----I still wanted to tell him that. So I had the brilliant idea of calling Annabelle to tell her to give Dave the message. But, that was also quickly nixed. The thing is, why am I so stupid? I don't want to call Dave and I don't want to talk to him at all. Yet, WHY was I so keen on letting him know about the effing checkered cab that I saw that reminded me of him and that effing article we read?! It's totally annoying. I mean, I have the guts to like completely cut him off and never talk to him for like six months and then I want to call him about a cab?!

Don't worry, I didn't call him. He doesn't know about the checkered cab. Unless he reads this blog, but I'm extremely positive he doesn't blog-stalk me. He's too cool for that stuff. And he doesn't know the URL.

That was my semi-serious part of the entry. I'm really glad about my choice.

Additionally, I got on the bus and I was sitting next to the center rotating part. There were these two girls that looked up at the accordian connecting part and like screeched and moved seats. They were French or Jewish or something b/c I didn't understand what they were saying. I looked over at what they were looking/screeching at and it was a effing roach. A roach on a bus? That is so nasty?! What is going on here!? I too, moved my seat so I wasn't as close to the disgusting dirty roach.

I went home and changed into running clothes. I wanted to go running b/c I was like uber pumped for some reason. So I turned up the 50 cent and ran for like 2 miles around Central Park. It was good, I'm glad I did it. It didn't even rain that much, which I was glad about.

Then I went home, ate an apple, showered and changed and headed down to 44th and 9th to watch the finale of Veronica Mars===which by the way, was phenomenal. I was in such a good mood after that. I went home, read and then passed out. And life goes on...

I'm having a good day so far although it's only 8am. Things could definintely change. Though I hope not. I have lots of MLW stuff to do---hopefully I'll get some of it done today and tonight. I'm pretty tired though, a recent trend with me. When am I ever going to get some rest? I think never b/c I always choose to NOT sleep over sleeping. I think it's time for some shout outs, it's been a while.

SHOUT OUTs:
Beth: So much fun last night. I heatt VMars.
China: Cn't wait for our lunch date this week! Beaver sucks!
Cam: CONGRATS on graduating---and it was nice to finally meet Mark.
Sunday night dinner crew: It was nice to have dinner with the elite. :) Get boosted for summer, it's going to be a killer time.
Ron: I know you are obsessed with txt messaging but you are a bit excessive. Thanks. Oh, and the next time you are in NYC, you better do something other than like txt me saying "i'm waving to you." or some other BS.
Dave: I saw a checkered cab. But I still never want to talk to you ever again.
JB: I promise I'll write you an email today with all the stuff that's going on w/me.
Mike Connelly: I heart you. I'm so happy we are like working together in every possible way this summer. :)

Happy Hump Day!
Love,
Lauren

Lack of Posts and Weekend

So sorry about my lack posting yesterday. One would think that I would have the motivation to post on Monday to get out what I did over the weekend and the like, but tis false. Usually on Monday I'm really busy at work and doing other things so I don't have the concentration ability to write a good entry.

I have a FIVE things to say though.

1. I hate David Blaine. I am so glad he failed and his stupid drowning alive stunt. He is so annoying and I hate that the media just LOVES him. He sucks. Why would you effing want to be in a sphere full of water. What a attention-craving loser.
2. The guy in the mailroom that I'm "friends" with from Guatamala asked me out. Yikes. I had to tell him no. I felt bad. He still comes by my desk all the time asking how I am.
3. I still hate pigeons. In case you were wondering.
4. Molly also sucks. Again, she has MAD issues. MAD issues. I'm not looking forward to seeing her at all.
5. I ate asparagus on Saturday night and my pee stank for like three days. It was an abnormally long time for the pee-smell to linger. My boss Mike suggested that it was b/c I was dehydrated. Oh well---it smells no longer.


OK, so this weekend----was nuts!
Friday night I went over to LB, Katie and Jak's apt. for a Cinco de Mayo fiesta. I was all ready to get drunk and have fun. I don't want to go into a lot of detail on this night, but it was fun, until the end. Sorry for those of you that don't know the story but I don't want to keep re-hashing it.

Saturday night, woke up w/ a bit of a hangover, but I got to sleep in for a little bit. Then I met Courtney, Deb, and Lil Court by Times Square for lunch. We were going to see Mamma Mia. We had third row seats and it was amazing! Luckily I loved ABBA BEFORE I went and saw the show. It was super fun. Then we all drove back to Philly. I was spending the night at Court's house. We went to Eileen's house for a party. It was like an adult party---cause all of Court's friends are ahem---adults. But they are pretty cool 38 year olds. They pretty much still talk about the same things as my friends do---sex, friends, stuff they are buying. Everything minus the kids and like homemaking stuff. It was cool and restored my faith that I will remain cool throughout my years. :)

Funny anecdote: Justin, Court's little 4 year old son was in the truck, which is a HUGE Yukon, with me and Courtney driving home from Eileen's house. Steve had driven Brian and Tyler in his car. We had forgotten Lil Courtney. So Court stops the car and is like, "Courtney!" And she's like---oh, we'll go back and get her. Rob Walker calls and is like, "there is a name for this---it's called 'Home Alone'" It was too funny. Then Justin goes---"we'll just tell her there wasn't enough seats." It was HYSTERICAL. Seeing that there were like 8 empty seats in the car. Anyway, I know I did a bad job of telling the story but it really was funny.

Sunday morning---woke up, got ready to catch the train back to DC---barely made the train and slept the whole way down there. The PB meeting was productive. I feel like MLW is already in full swing, when really---it's not at all.

The kids at the Boys and Girls Club (BGC) were way better last night. Some kids really wanted to join the program, but I told them no since there were already so many kids. We were in the computer lab typing resumes. They did a pretty good job I think. It was crazy. Every five seconds it was like, "Miss! I need help!" or "Lauren! I need your help." But----next week we'll start the interviewing and communication skills so I think it'll be more fun than writing resumes.

*Last Night*-- I had a dream about Matt Baker, my OC. He was British though and was as cute in the dream as he was in real life. We were like "in Harry Potter" or something. And were in some sort of mansion. Anyway, I was like complaining that I couldn't find a place to live and Matt said he was looking for a new place in July and that he would "try me out" by living with me for two months before moving in with me. Clearly, I gladly accepted. I woke up and was so happy before I realized it was all a dream....*sigh*

Sorry for the lame entry. I'll be more creative tomorrow. There is so much pressure...

Love,
Lauren

Cinco de Mayo!

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

I don't have a lot to write about today. I was super busy at work so---no tenia tiempo a escribir.

Hasta Lunes!

Con Amor,
Lauren

P.S. Happy Birthday Buddha! ;)

Film Festival and Mexican

Man I'm tired this morning. I didn't even go to bed THAT late. I think it was just because I had a long day yesterday and when it was finally over, I crashed. But, a lot of fun things happened yesterday, so it's totally not a big deal about me being tired today. I barely remember taking a shower this morning. I was still asleep I think.

CONGRATULATIONS TO JESS ON GETTING INTO NYU NURSING SCHOOL!!!! I KNEW YOU WOULD GET IN!!!! YAY!!!!!

I gladly dropped off my cupcake with my chiropractor after work and then chatted with him a bit. He helped my with my knee problems that are onset by my running. I hope that my knee won't hurt when I run this afternoon. It's supposed to be like 77 deg. today. I've been hating the weather recently because it's pretty much NOT spring. It's like freezing and stupid and I just want it to actually be warm, not fake-overcast-freezing warm. You know what I mean?

On the subway as Jess and I were heading downtown----there was this old guy like listening to hard rock on his iPod. Do you want to know how I know that? Maybe because he was going to make himself deaf (and the rest of the subway train) by having the volume up so high. Plus, one annoying thing was that even when there were like a million inches of room next to him, enough to fit another person or two on his other side, he refused to move down and give me some breathing room, not to mention, letting Jessica sit down next to me. Jerk-off.

We ate dinner at this tex-mex place and had a few drinks, $2 miller lights. But first there were $3 house vodka drinks and I didn't want vodka/tonic or vodka/cranberry so I was thinking about what else goes w/vodka and so I ordered vodka/sprite. Don't ever order that. It tastes like fecal matter. I promptly asked for a beer instead. The beer was fantastic. Then we watched the Yankees game and didn't cheer for them of course because we hate the Yankees. We hung out there for a while and then walked over to the theatre that was a little farther downtown.

So anyway, a funny MOM story. So, while we were waiting in line to get into the theatre, I called my mom to tell her about how Jess got into NYU and this is the conversation we had:

Me: Mom...guess what? Jess got into NYU Nursing school!!!
Mom: Oh! That's so great! She'll be a great nurse. Tell her congratulations!
Me: Yeah, it's so exciting. I'm so happy for her.
Mom: And she'll stay in New York! (dead serious voice) Oh, maybe you can be her guinea pig for when she has to practice shots and stuff.
Me: What? No, mom. Hell no. Are you kidding?
Mom: Well, no I wasn't but maybe you could help her study!
Me: Yeah, I'll help her study not gladly let her give me random shots.

The movie we saw was good. It was called, "I want someone to eat cheese with" It had Sara Silverman in it. And that dude from Curb your Enthusiasm. It was funny at some parts, but a lot of the time I laughed on the inside.

I CRUSHED Urban Solitaire yesterday as I was coming home from the movie with Jess. When I was in the 59th St station, I saw TWO rats. One GIANORMOUS one and one smallish one. It was so great. The 6 train tracks are always a winner.

Love,
Lauren

P.S. Happy People's Holiday for you all in Japan!
P.P.S I'm SO looking forward to Cinco de Mayo party tomorow night at 99John. Whoop.

Things that are funny to do.

• In the memo field of all your checks, write innappropriate things like "10 ton coke delivery" or "hit job" or perhaps, "sperm donation" or "amputation".
• Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
• Speak only in a "robot" voice
• Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly
• Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
• Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
• Practice making fax and modem noises
• Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and ask people in your office to read them and tell you what they think about the points
• Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
• Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment
• Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
• Staple papers in the middle of the page and say you don't like not being able to read what is the corner.
• Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. and ruin it right away
• Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
• Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
• Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
• Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
• Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
• Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day or what time it is, or "how are you doing?"
• Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down
• Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn

Mike and Aliza---here is one prank to keep you interested...

Prank #3: Toliet Jello

1. Gather two packets of Knox unflavored gelatin and boiling hot water.
2. Dump both into a toliet that won't be used until the following morning
3. Come in early and take a dump in the toliet once the jello has hardened.
4. Watch as people come in and try and flush it away...

*would be great to do at someone's house you hate or in a work bathroom just to be a jackass.

I had a great day today.

Quick Anecdote: My friend Ross at work gave me this captain's hat and dared me to wear it around the office all day, so I did. I look so cool. People also keep calling me captain and saluting me JUST because I have the hat on. You are jealous.

I have to go bring my chiropractor a cupcake. :)

Love,

Lauren

Weekend and Surprise Gem

Happy Spanish Independence Day! (that one's for you Bethy)

Golly---to me it basically feels like Thursday, but really it's not even close to being Thursday. *sigh*

R.I.P Garbo: you were always a sweet dog and I'm sorry that you aren't with us anymore.

I want to say that I'm famous. Last week I submitted a "overheard" conversation to "Overheard in the Office" and it was printed last night. The person who the brokers are talking about last night was me. I thought it was a funny conversation, and since they were referring to me----it makes it that much more special. So check it out if you have a chance. :)

I guess I should talk about this weekend a bit. On Friday night, i played it low key----i ate fajitas with Katie and Karen down at 99John. It was good times, really low key. We got drunk on wine and watched the remake of the parent trap. Yep---Lindsay Lohan in her prime. (read: not now, but when she was actually cute) Saturday, I had to hang around the apartment and wait for the freezer guy to come, which was annoying b/c I really wanted to take a shower, but I didn't know when he was going to come and I didn't want to be caught naked. Hmm....he came in and was all taking apart my freezer (the part that is broken) and said that there was ice buildup and that's why it doesn't work and the fan that cools the freezer was frozen stopped. So he started to chip away at the ice and eventually got the fan to start working----but it was making this AWFUL sound. SO he said that after I defrosted the refridgerator and it still was making the bad sound, to call him and he'll replace the fan next Saturday. So---of COURSE I defrost the freezer and get all the ice out of there and the fan still sounds like it's murdering some animal in there....I have to wait another week until I get a freezer that works.

Jess, her mom, and her aunt and uncle and I went to the MOMA to see the Edvard Munch exhibit. It was really great. We then of course, looked at all the other great art on the other floors. I pigged out at this diner and then again with Jess' cousin Nick at a restaurant. I was so full. I'm surprised I ate anything yesterday! It was a great time!

Sunday was Lauren day. I went to church and then randomly found a street fair on the west side, I ate some sweet potato fries and then meandered around into Barnes and Noble. It was a really beautiful day so I didn't mind walking around. Then I went and saw "When Fried Eggs Fly" a move at the Tribeca Film Festival. It was totally great. It was a documentary about this public school in the village that took on this community wide music project where the kids, parents, and teachers wrote the lyrics, created the melody, and played instruments. The cool thing about it other than the fact that kids are hilarious, was that all the kids were in the audience that were in the movie. It was great. Then I went home and worked on stuff for the Boys and Girls club.

So the Catholic Church is rethinking the condom ban, reports the New York Times. They are taking a AIDS stance, in order to "protect life within a marraige". Wonder what is going to happen? Anyway, I thought that was an interesting bit of information.

Something that is annoying me right now is my left contact. I took it out this morning and put it back in and just now at work I did the same thing. It's sort of bothering my eye----wait----well, it actually sort of stopped. It feels like there is some sort of "irregularity" in my contact and it's like making me totally annoyed. Hopefully it will go away fully. I just said it sort of stopped, but I was lying.


THE GEM OF THE DAY---> JESSE KOVACH'S WEBSITE!!!
http://www.jkovach.net/

hahahahahahaha! it's so lame.

I thought of some new pranks. Let me know if you want to hear about them. Apparently the pee disk was a popular one. I guess, try not to get on my bad side, or else I could do it to you. Ron, watch out.

Happy Tuesday!

Love,
Lauren