Annie the Tranny and Death

I have to write about the dinner that Jess and I had on Tuesday night. She really wants me to write about it. I have to warn you though. Nothing was better than being in person. It is restaurant week and Tuesday was the first night that I actually went out to dinner. It was with jess---my restaurant week buddy. We went to this place on the west side called Cite'. Actually you shouldn't go there b/c it's not that great. I'm absolutely glad that we ended up there for the following reason: We witnessed the worst date in the history of the planet. Actually I shouldn't say that b/c I think the girl (and unfortunately the dude) were having a good time. It was really hard to tell though.

The Girl: a skinny asian/korean hooker tranny type. Let me explain. She was really bony and skinny. She had a big face that was covered with makeup and you could tell she had really bad skin under it. She was wearing lots of makeup and it looked horrible. She was not really that good at english. Again: think tranny hooker.

The Boy: Handsome, curlyish brown hair, tall, businessman, nice smile. Unexpectedly strange and a bad story teller. Good date---asks a lot of questions.

Throughout the meal Annie the Tranny (henceforth: AT) was getting more and more intoxicated. She started being more stupid and more annoying and more flirty. It was hoffiric to watch. As Jess tried to describe her---it was if she was an immature as an 8 year old child, as stupid as a retarded woman, and as arrogant as like a model. She was a ridiculous combination of personalities wrapped up into a bad date. Here are some highlights of the date (please try and imagine these quotes by her with a stereotypical Korean accent:

• "Oh---my ideal man would be a widow. Because then I wouldn't have to worry about ex-wife. No ex-wife. I also get to keep kids. The kids would be mine!"
• "I look just like my mom. we like identical."
• "I so skinny. I have 22 inch waist. I no want kids because I don't want to get fat and lose my 22 inch waist!"
• " If I have kids I gonna have c-section and then tummy tuck...they same scar...so I can keep 22 inch waist."

That is just scratching the surface. I'm not even including the time she laughed out loud as if it were a huge joke when the boy said he wouldn't take his ex-wife back. Or when the boy told a really bad story and she had some crazy comment after this. Now imagine this with a girl getting more and more drunk. Oh and she ate fois gras, which I'm totally against. WTF?!

Jess, you also have to chime in in case I forgot anything. I'm sure I did. We were eavesdropping for a long long time. We barely even talked to each other! :)

Last night was a different story. I did a whole bunch of errands that I needed to get done and vegged out. I even went to bed relatively early. It was a good day for SimplyLauren.

SAD PART:

Please resist the urge to laugh or make fun of me because what I'm about to write makes me really sad. CT and Dog died last night. Let me explain what happened. After my sister left on Sunday I noticed that the fish started acting weird. CT wasn't swimming as much and Dog resorted to hanging out in the corner all by himself. I called Petco and they told me I was over feeding them. Funny thing about that: I was following the directions on the food container! They said the fish are probably in shock. So I didn't feed them for so long. I went to petco last night and got this salt that is supposed to reduce stress and help the fish and they looked better when I went to bed and then when I woke up they were dead. Apparently you are only supposed to feed them like every other day. I'm really bummed out. I have to say that it's not my fault and that I tried really hard. I am going to purge my tank of death for a week or two. Anyway, that's what happened so don't ask me how my fish as b/c they are dead and I'm sad. :(

SHOUT OUTS:

Jessie: I don't like to write people's last names on this b/c it incriminates them and me. Instead I like to keep in simple. Jess! What's up! Be sure to tell Natalie about this blog. If she writes a comment maybe I'll even give her a shout out. It was really great chatting with you last night. Congrats on Ohio State and your scholarship too. Whoo-hoo! xo

Jake: Thanks for the morning wake up call. I think it's going to end up working out. Jim was so impressed that I was here before him. I told him that I was never going to be late again. I told that to Matt too---but he just rolled his eyes and gave me a hard time. Thanks again. Sorry if I was bitchy or rude. I seriously contemplated going back to bed after I talked to you though but I had to pee so badly that I decided against it.

Ok, time to get started on work. You know---since I get paid and everything. :)

Love,
Lauren