Simply Lauren.

one day i'll write a book. but for now, this blog will do.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Break-up and TaB

I'm very excited because my friend Emily is coming up to visit this weekend!
I'm also really excited that I'm not going down to MD. I'm honestly, sick of going back and forth. It's nice to be able to think about sleeping in and not rushing around and going to meetings all weekend. I also particularly hate leaving right from work on Friday afternoons. I like being able to leisurely go home, change, chill and then leave.

My apartment is a pig sty. No, guys, really---for me it's bad. There are clothes all over the place. REALLY all over. I have to clean up and organize before Emily comes. I wouldn't want anyone to see the state of my apartment now.

Tonight I have a conference call with my team---hopefully it'll be productive.

Last night Katie and Michael and I went and saw the Break-Up. I have a few comments about the entire movie experience:
1. I saw a preview for the World Trade Center Movie and it looks horrid. I was bawling during the PREVIEW. There is no way that I could make it out of that movie theatre alive, if I went and saw that shit. I mean, think about it...it took them like 50 years after Pearl Harbor to make a movie about that----couldn't they have waited a bit longer?
2. Jennifer Aniston is so hot. I love her.
3. Vince Vaughn is not quite as hot as her.
4. The movie was really realistic. It was almost too realistic. There were times when I was like----shit this is EXACTLY a real conversation that people have all the time in relationships. How women don't communicate their feelings properly and men are often really selfish...among other things.
5. It didn't have a happy ending, which I thought was good.

Diatribe about TaB Soda:
I just purchased my first cab of TaB soda. I was enticed by the cool retro can and the font on the front. Also that it was made by the Coca-Cola company. TaB was first put into production in 1963 as the first diet soda. I was unaware that TaB was diet. Yes, I may be stupid, but this als could be that it is an OLD soda for OLD people who are into drinking diet drinks. I have several things to say about my first experience with TaB:

1. I wish to God that someone would have told me it was diet. I would not have purchased this can.

2. I also wish that someone would dispose of every can of TaB on this planet because it is quite possibly the most disgusting soda I've ever had and that probably exists today. I think I would pick either Crystal Pepsi, Jolt and that new one Vault which I also recently tried which also hover about zero on the taste scale.

3. It takes horrific. Like... acid and medicine with a disgusting shot of cancer-inducing sacchrin and aspartame mixed into one. Yes, that's right, it not only has ONE of those disgusting sweeteners, but BOTH.

4. They must get people like me on the packaging because it's clearly not on the taste of this beverage. There should be a surgeon's general warning on the side of the can similar to that on cigarettes: "Warning: consuming the contents of this can will cause the death of your tastebuds and prevent you from enjoying life's other positive attributes. You also will likely die of cancer and experience anal bleeding due to the amount of artifical ingredients contained within."

5. No one should ever drink this. A direct quote from wikipedia says, "Tab has of late become something of a cult beverage, with heavily dedicated drinkers. This is one of the only reasons Tab is still produced; its share of the national soft drink market is minuscule." Cult beverage? Just like members of all cults---they should be exterminated. Then there would be no possible chance of no other human drinking it.

6. TaB=Totally Awful Beverage...'nuff said.

7. Things I would rather do than drink TaB soda:
  • eat raisins
  • chew multi-vitamins
  • dye my hair black
  • blow out snot rockets
  • trip and fall on concrete wearing shorts
  • wear a helmet to work
  • read about 17-18th century Britain
  • watch golf on TV
  • get a hairball

Ok, enough TaB bashing, though I could go on all day. I am going to go pee and walk around the office a bit. My butt is sore from sitting.

Love,

Lauren

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